“He’s in room 704,” Van said.
Joshua turned. “What are you going to do while I’m upstairs groveling?”
“I’ll keep myself occupied. Call if you need a ride home.”
“If? You got me here, how the hell else am I supposed to get back?”
Van shrugged. “Depends on how things shake out with your boyfriend, I guess, but I’ll be in town for a few hours. I took a sick day, so Beatrice knows I won’t be in tonight.”
“You took off work to help me?” Joshua’s heart thumped harder at the unexpectedly generous gesture.
“Don’t make a big deal out of it. I get to wander a beach town instead of sling drinks for eight hours. You’re doing me a favor.”
Joshua believed him. Van was a walking mystery, but he was definitely a decent human being, and Joshua was lucky to have him on his side. Neutral party or not, he’d made a friend. “Thank you, Van. I mean it.”
“Gee, you’re going to make me cry. Go.”
With a soft chuckle, Joshua pivoted and strode toward the hotel’s garage elevator, determined to somehow make this right.
Benji stared at his phone’s screen, not really interested in the game he was losing. He had no motivation to get out of bed and do something else. Saturday afternoon television was boring as hell. The beach had way too many people. Even going downstairs to the hotel restaurant held absolutely no appeal. All he wanted to do was stay in bed between performances and try to pretend his heart wasn’t broken.
He’d opened his messenger program to text Joshua at least a dozen times today, and each time he closed the app without typing anything. What was there to say? It wasn’t as if Joshua had reached out to him. Maybe it truly was better this way. They’d never really talked about the future in anything other than amorphous terms. No plans for buying a house somewhere, or even for getting married. It was always about the next time their paths would cross.
Benji loved being on the road, but not forever. One day he wanted to settle down with someone who understood and respected his sexuality. He’d hoped Joshua would be that guy, but that dream was shattered to pieces.
Not everyone gets their happily ever after.
The depressing thought kind of made him hate Dominic and Lincoln for finding their guys.
Someone knocked on the door, startling Benji into dropping his phone. Had one of the others forgotten their key card? Bobby had a bad habit of doing that, leaving his key in the wrong pair of shorts. Benji slid out of bed and crossed the room.
“You forget your key again, B—?” The question died in his throat as he opened the door and spotted the person on the other side.
Joshua was pale and a little shaky, like someone getting over the flu, but he stood there with his shoulders back, and his dark eyes wide. Almost hopeful. And so fucking handsome it made Benji’s heart ache. A heart that loved this man so much and didn’t know where all of that love was supposed to go.
“Hi,” Joshua said. So timid. Not like himself at all.
“What are you doing here?” Benji asked.
Joshua went down to both knees right there in the hallway. “Begging your forgiveness.”
“What?”
“I am a selfish prick, and you deserve better than me, but I love you and I want to try and be the guy you deserve.”
Benji stared, stunned by the admission and the heartfelt delivery. He’d never seen Joshua so emotionally vulnerable, as if the future of the world depended on Benji’s response. The whole thing made him want to weep. He also didn’t want to have this conversation in public.
“Get off your knees,” Benji said. “Come in.”
Joshua stood with a relieved smile. He glanced around the room, which was packed with luggage and instrument cases. “Thank you for hearing me out. You had every right to slam the door in my face.”
Benji couldn’t imagine a scenario in which he’d do that. He also didn’t want to give in and take Joshua back simply because he ached from the pain of losing him. “You know what I need from you, Josh. That hasn’t changed.”
“I know. A friend helped me realized that I needed to be completely honest with you about why I’m terrified to commit to us.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t want to turn into my parents.”
