Everybody is going to know.
People are going to want to talk to me about it. They are going to have questions. I bet the media is going to have a field day. Back when the accident happened, we got contacted by a lot of local and national news channels about doing interviews. Being crushed by grief is one thing. But everyone wanting to talk about it was like having alcohol poured in an open wound. I didn’t want to go over the worst day of my life again and again. I didn’t want to talk about the famous players who killed her.
The league certainly didn’t do any interviews. They released one statement and that was it. One measly apology, on behalf of them and those two assholes.
Don’t even get me started on the legal ramifications. Thirty days in jail and a license suspension.Thirty days.
I don’t know what I wanted from the league or the judicial system, but it wasn’t that.
I don’t want to deal with any of this again. The attention. Thefeelings.
And now, with Matt, it’s just going to be even bigger. I wonder what he’s thinking.
I realize for the first time he might find this situation hypocritical. I got upset when he didn’t tell me about being a hockey player. And now he’s probably finding out I never told him the full story about my accident. About my mom. About the drunk hockey players. Hiscolleagues.
The customary rage that accompanies thoughts of themflares, my hands balling into fists where they rest on my thighs. What if Matt knows them? What if he’sfriendswith them? Oh god, the thought makes me vaguely ill.
“Ellie?”
I turn to look at Nate. He’s looking at my lap. At my lack of response he glances up, sympathy plastered all over his face.
“Chinese okay?”
I nod and face forward again, bringing my legs up onto the couch. I pull them close to my chest and lay my head on my knees.
I should’ve known this was coming. I wonder how it got out? Maybe I would know if I checked any of the hundreds of notifications on my phone, but I don’t think I’m up for that. I knew it was a risk being with Matt, but I thought we were pretty careful about not being seen in public. And I knew that wasn’t going to be realistic forever, but I didn’t think this was going to be a long-term thing at first and then… Well, then I guess I’d been living in blissful ignorance.Falling in love,my brain shouts.Was it worth it?
I close my eyes and try to think about something else.Anythingelse.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
ELLIE
“How is she?Is she asleep? Did she eat?”
“She’s been like that almost the whole time, man. I wasn’t sure if she was asleep, so I didn’t want to wake her up when the food got here.”
“Did she let you in when you knocked?”
“Nah, but it was unlocked so I let myself in after there was no response.”
A sigh. “I guess that ended up being a good thing. What did you do with her phone?”
“Here.” A pause. “I just made her socials private and put it on DND for now.”
“Thanks.” Some shuffling and a patting noise. “I owe you.”
“You know you don’t. I hope she’s okay. She seems kind of…numb? I don’t know. You staying here tonight?”
It’s a few moments before, “I’m not sure. Hopefully.”
“Even if it’s the couch, I think it would be a good idea. I’ll check in with you tomorrow.”
The hushed voices stop and then the door opens and closes quietly. Soft footsteps make their way closer before the couch dips next to me. A few moments of nothing and then a light touch to my head. A kiss?
The TV turns off and then the warmth next to me disappears. I hear those same soft footsteps moving around my apartment and the flicks of light switches being flipped. The door locks. More footsteps, closer now. An arm slides under my legs and another behind my back before I’m lifted and nestled against a solid chest.
Matt carries me through my small apartment and gently settles me on my bed. I blink my eyes open. He’s pulling his shirt off, pausing when it’s hanging off his arms in front of him.
