He waves off my half-assed apology. “Are you asking me to make you a girly cocktail?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, we are girls. I was thinking a sour or something bubbly maybe?” I flutter my lashes dramatically and place my hands together in prayer position.
“How about a cider?”
“Oooh, yum. I’m in.” I clap my hands and Nate’s mouth twitches.
“Cider for you too, Zoey?” He pivots slightly to look at her. I glance over only to see her giving us a big, cheesy grin.
“I’ll just take a sauvignon blanc, please. Thanks.”
“You got it,” Nate confirms, leaving to go grab our drinks on the other side of the bar.
“So this is Matt’s bestie?”
“Yeah, they grew up together,” I tell her.
“He seems nice.”
“I don’t know him that well, but yeah, he is. So how was Chandler’s baby shower? I feel bad I couldn’t make it.” Am I avoiding the Matt conversation?Maybe. But I also want to know.
“Nah, don’t feel bad. We all missed you, but honestly you lucked out. Not only did they make us play ‘guess the poop,’ but Josh asked about you like seven times. Dude needs to take a hint.”
I ignore her Josh comment. He’s also reached out to me a handful of times, but I’m just not interested in reconnecting in any way. “Guess the poop?”
“It was melted candy bars in diapers, Ellie.Diapers.”
She shudders and it makes me laugh. I missed her so much. Moving away from friends sucks.
“Promise me you won’t make me play that game when you have kids.”
“I promise,” I say, looping my pinky with hers and then letting go. “All right, now that I’ve met your condition, are you going to tell me what you’ve forgiven me for?”
Zoey raises a single eyebrow at me. “I think you know, Ellie-bellie,” she sings.
Fudge.
Nate reappears with our drinks and sets them down. “I’m so going to call you that now.” He winks and I roll my eyes as he leaves, looking back at Zoey.
“Well, go on,” I direct. “Ask me what you want.” I knew this was coming, and I know she isn’t really one to pry, but I’m still nervous for some reason.
Zoey takes a sip of her wine before talking. “Fine. Why didn’t you tell me yourfuck buddy”—she uses air quotes with her non-drink hand—“was a famous hockey player? And when were you going to tell me he wasn’t just a fuck buddy?”
It’s busy for a Thursday, so I glance around to see if anyone is overhearing us. It’s not exactly the best place for an important conversation, but I don’t want to blow her off. Zoey’s not smiling, so I know she’s not just joking around with me. And I know her well enough to know she’s notmad. But as I look at the question in her eyes and remember how she used the wordforgive, I realize it’s almost worse. Zoey’s hurt I didn’t tell her.
“I’m sorry,” I start. I sigh and take a glug of my cider. “I…don’t have a good excuse. It’s not that I didn’t telljustyou, you know? I haven’t toldanyone. Dev only knows because she ran into him at my apartment one night. And despite her efforts, I haven’t given her any details, really. I guess I’m feeling…I don’t know. Something that’s keeping me from wanting to talk about it.” I pause. “And you know how I feel about hockey, so that’s been…” My nose scrunches as I trail off.
“Oh, Ellie. I didn’t think about that. Shit, I’m sorry.” Zoey squeezes my hand that’s resting on the bar and I know I’m forgiven. She’s quiet as she threads our fingers together. “It’s okay to not want to talk about it, I just want to be there for you. I want to know about your life,” she says. “It’s really weird being this far apart, and being in the dark on this just made it such a stark change from before. I was worried I was losing you a bit.”
“No. No, never.” I squeeze our hands together tighter. “If I was going to tell anyone, it would be you.” I look Zoey in the eyes and think of all of our conversations over the years about boys and feelings and…so much more. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit.
“With Matt?”
I nod and drink more. “Likesex?” Zoey mouths the second word.
“No, that’s all…good. Better than good,” I say as my cheeks turn scarlet, I’m sure.
Zoey’s brow draws down as she studies me. “Okay, we’ll circle back to that later. Is it about being more than fuck buddies?”
