I roll the word around in my head. Seems accurate. Different than before though. This feels…bigger. Maybe it wasn’t real in my relationships before? I cared about them a lot though. My mind is telling me it just wasn’trightbefore.
I’ve only known Ellie a little while, I remind myself again. No need to get carried away, right?
But I doknowher, my subconscious screams. Length of time be damned. It wasn’t that long ago that I was talking to Ellie about it, actually.
I sigh and focus back on Niko and his questions. “Yeah, it’s just…do you remember when I showed up late to the team meeting and then left morning skate quickly afterward? It was a few weeks ago,” I tell him.
Niko studies my face with narrowed eyes. “Sure,” he says slowly with a shrug.
“Well, this girl I’ve been seeing recently, I had just hung out with her for the first time the night before and I kind of didn’t share that I played hockey. It was just nice being normal, you know. When she found out the next morning it was…a bit of a shit show, honestly. I messed it up.” I wince at the memory. “But I hurried over after the skate to explain and I think that went okay. Anyway, I convinced her to give me a shot. But I promised we could keep it secret so she wouldn’t have to deal with…everything that comes with me.”
I look around at my minimal memorabilia I have hung up around the room, the pictures with trophies and awards. A framed article. I used to love the idea of articles being written about me—about my job. But lately they just worry me. I look back at Niko, who’s watching me with a careful expression.
“It’s been good though. Great, actually. She’s… You’ll love her. She’s so smart and funny,” I tell him with a reflexive smile.
Niko grins back at me at that.
“I just know it eventually has to come out to the public if we keep seeing each other. And I really want to keep seeing her, obviously,” I say as I look at the tree corner. “I don’t know if she wants all of that though. We haven’t talked about it since thebeginning, but she basically turned me down until I offered up the idea of dating in secret. She referred to us as fuck buddies.”
I laugh at that last part.Confidential fuck buddies.
“It was cute, butman, I hope that’s not how she’ll always think of us,” I lament.
“So you don’t know if you’re on the same page? Or why she wants to keep things under wraps?” Niko asks, surprising me with his easy read on the situation.
“It feels like we are when we’re together, but yeah I guess I don’t know. And I’m worried she’s going to call it quits if anything comes out. Or if I ask if we can be public.”
Niko grimaces and nods before looking thoughtfully around the living room. “So you get on the same page and convince her it’s not so bad, before some story breaks. It’s not like we’re fucking A-listers. Hockey fame is pretty tame. And you can teach her how to block it out, literally and mentally, like you’ve been trained to. How to stay private,” he says, looking to me. He makes it sound like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it is. This fucker doesn’t even do relationships and he’s spewing decent advice. “You already do a good job of that.”
I sigh and nod.
“You probably have time before anything comes out if you’re being careful,” he continues.
I wince again at that. I hope so. Iambeing super careful, and like Niko said, our level of fame is pretty tame. And we live in fucking Minnesota, not exactly a celeb hotspot.
“I’m sure it’ll be all right, man.”
I nod again even though I’m really not sure. I look over at the takeout bags on the counter and notice their logo for the first time. “So youdidwant Geno’s, huh?”
I hear him mutter “Obviously” as he stands up and walks to the kitchen.
Fucker.I follow and take the sandwich he offers before sitting on one of my barstools.
We both eat in silence for a few minutes before Niko starts up with more questions. “So when can I meet her? What’s her name? Is she old like you?” He snickers and I want to throat-punch him just a little. Apparently a three-year gap is grounds for a lifetime of “old” jokes.
“I’m not—whatever. Ellie’s twenty-six. And I don’t know when. She doesn’t want to come to any games and I know she won’t want to be seen with both of us in public,” I say with a mouthful. “You never cared about meeting anyone before.”
“And you never cared about fucking Christmas trees before,” he grunts out between his own bites.
Fair enough.
“She got a last name?”
“Uh, Ford, I think? Why?”
Niko just hums as he picks up his sandwich again. We continue to eat quietly for a few minutes while I consider how Ellie would feel about meeting him. I’m not sure where it could happen other than her apartment if we are trying to stay low-key. Maybe I could have him come over with me after practice one day? I could bribe Ellie with takeout and ice cream…
“This her?”
