The other problem was hers. It was difficult to look at a mini-Jack. What she’d lost and had little chance of getting back glared straight at her. Even if Victor was arrested and put away, would Jack want a relationship with her beyond that of sharing their son? Doubtful. She’d been a nice physical distraction while he’d been undercover but he wouldn’t want a forever after with a scared little mouse like her.
The last two years he’d been distant during his infrequent visits and short online connections. He focused on their son, and didn’t appear to need anything from Callie. Not anymore.
Jack settled Jonathan in his lap and opened the book, reciting the familiar words. The book was one of Jonathan’s favorites and Jack had read it to their son when he came on his first birthday. She had a picture of them sitting in the exact same spot.
Turning, she ran downstairs to grab her phone to take a picture. Jonathan was a year older now and she liked to document any time they were together. The future was uncertain but she never wanted Jonathan to think his father didn’t love him. The agony in Jack’s voice on the night of Jonathan’s birth still rang in her memory. Her promise to tell Jonathan every day how much his father loved him was one she took seriously and intended to keep. No matter what.
By the time she got back upstairs, Jonathan’s eyes were closed and he was sucking furiously on his thumb. She snapped a few pictures before Jack finished the story. When he was done, he closed the book, making no attempt to get up, move, or release Jonathan. His eyes were glued to the serene face of the now sleeping boy.
Callie gave them a few moments then walked closer. She shook her head as the thumb started to slide from her son’s mouth then got drawn back inside for deeper sucking. “I’ve tried to get him to stop that habit but when he’s tired, it’s no use.”
“He’s still little.” His eyes never left the sleeping boy’s face. “I used to suck my thumb. My mom said I didn’t stop until I was five or six.” After a few moments his eyes rose to hers and a crooked smile turned up one side of his mouth. “Not that you can tell anyone. I’ll deny every word.”
“Ooh, blackmail information.” Her insides tingled at the teasing, and she was transported back to the few happy months when they were together. They used to joke around quite a bit. They’d talked about everything. Not dull conversations either.God, she missed it.Did he ever think about when they were together? Not that she’d ask him. It would be a reminder of what he’d lost out on. What they’d both lost.
Sighing, Jack gazed at the sleeping boy. “I guess I should put him into bed, huh? I hate to let him go. You have no idea how much I miss him, Calico. Sometimes I think I’ll go stark raving mad with missing him.”
He closed his eyes and lowered his head down near Jonathan’s. Inhaling deeply, smelling their son. Such a primitive thing to do but she did it all the time. The scent of your own baby was so powerful. Did Jack get the same intense feeling she did with the smell? This was yet another memory Jack had to take along with him until he could find his way back.
Finally, he stood, settling the child under the covers Callie had turned down. He pulled up one sheet in deference to the warm night then kissed the boy on the cheek. His large hand settled on Jonathan’s head, sifting through his hair before he stood again. He didn’t move though and Callie’s heart broke at the thought Jack had to leave them again. Why couldn’t things have been different?
A huge sigh slipped from Jack’s mouth as he turned away and walked to the door. Callie gave her son a small kiss and followed him, sliding the gate into place. She took one last glance at Jonathan but found she needed to go with Jack to make sure he was all right.
He was already in the kitchen splashing water on his face. Had he shed a few tears? It wouldn’t be the first time, though he always tried to hide it. She’d allow him his sorrow. Understood it far too well.
She glanced at the cake as he dried his hands. Jonathan had offered him some. “Are you hungry? Have you had anything to eat lately? It must have been a long drive.”
His smile didn’t reach his lost and weary eyes. “I had something before I left for the trip.” Which would have been around noon if he’d come from Pennsylvania.
“Then you need some food. I could cook something or we have cold cuts and rolls from the party. What would you like?”
“Cold cuts are fine. Don’t go to any trouble. I can get them if you have things to do.”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” she teased, wanting a tiny bit of the camaraderie of before to come back. The crooked smile he threw her way made her heart melt as it had in the past.
“Never,” he said, his eyes warm. Was there something more in them? No, it was her wishful thinking, nothing else.
Moving about the kitchen, she got the deli meat out and made him a sandwich. She piled it high with meat, cheese, and tomatoes. Extra pickles went on since he loved them on a sandwich, though she had thought it disgusting. She placed it on the table and told him to sit.
“I can take it with me if you need me out of here.”
Shaking her head, she pointed to the chair. “Sit. You need to relax for a few minutes. You spent half the day getting here. Give yourself time to digest before you head back. How was the drive?” Mundane conversation was good. Safe.
Jack sat and devoured a huge bite of the filled roll. He had to have been starving. Why hadn’t she offered food earlier? Having him close was much too distracting for her to think clearly.
“It was long.” He made small talk about traffic and watched her bustle about the kitchen. Could he tell she wanted to touch him, hold him, kiss him? Hopefully, she hid it well. Acting on her desires would not be a good thing. They had caused trouble before.
“Stop fussing about, Calico,” Jack ordered as he pulled out a chair next to him. “Sit down. We should talk.”
