“Starling.” My name was a command, said in the tone he used when he was fucking me, his control over me indisputable and absolute. For a second I’d struggled not to react, to do as conditioned and bow to his obsessive intensity. Instead, I’d slowly inhaled, staring at him like he was a stranger as I’d gotten myself under control.
I’d felt the exact moment when everything changed. I wasn’t a broken little bird anymore. I wasn’t a naïve sixteen-year-old. I wasn’t a girl blinded by love that felt like hate and hate that tasted like the most potent love.
When Bunny had revealed her pain to me, I’d hardened. Something inside of me had broken, but until this exact moment I hadn’t understood what that meant. I’d done for her what I wish someone had done for me. I’d played them at their own game. I’d become one of them, and even as nausea surged from my stomach, I felt that sense of elation and triumph.
I hadn’t intended to say it. I hadn’t intended to allow all of the years of anger and agony and resentment to manifest into words, but before I could stop myself, they were out. “Take care, husband. I cut one tracker out to save my friend. You’d be amazed what lengths I’d go to to protect myself if I had to,” I’d told him, speaking slowly and clearly, making sure he’d heard and understood every word.
“You’ll never fly away from me, Little Bird,” Sebastian had taunted, confidently prowling toward me until he was close enough to touch. Lifting his hand, he’d curled his fingers around my throat, not hurting me, but trying to assert his control over me, in the way that usually worked. “You love the cage I built for you too much.”
On any other day, if I’d still been blissfully oblivious, I’d have melted and probably begged him to carry me upstairs and fuck me. Instead, I’d lifted my own hand and wrapped my fingers around his throat, feeling the way his Adam’s apple hadmoved as he’d swallowed. “I do love it. But don’t doubt that I’d fly away if I had to. Don’t bother asking me where she is or thinking you can bully it out of me or January because we’ll never tell you. I warned you all where my line in the sand was, and you crossed it. Every action has a consequence, and this is yours. Hunter is alone, his wife ran away, and she isn’t coming back. Clay will have to live with the fact that right now, his beautiful, sweet wife is ashamed to love him. Evan will drown in his guilt, knowing he hurt yet another innocent girl, and you’ll have to try to deal with the knowledge that one day you could wake up and I’d be gone. I love you, Sebastian, more than life, but someone has to stop all of you from becoming the monsters you’ve shown yourself capable of being.”
Opening my eyes, I look up at the cloudless blue sky above me. Even the memory of that day feels overwhelmingly real. I should have realized back then how much of an impact my words and actions would have on all of us. I should have acknowledged the change in me, the shattering of the rose-tinted, love-shaped glasses I’d put on after Sebastian and I had become a couple, and refused to take off.
I should have seen how broken I still was and tried to fix it. But instead, I’d seen Bunny’s tears. I’d recognized her pain and understood her fear. She was me. I saw my trauma replaying in real life, only instead of being a passive observer, I was a player in the fucked-up game. I knew the rules. I understood how to win by fair or foul methods. So, I acted.
I offered Bunny what I wish someone had offered me when Sebastian first forced his way into my life. I offered her a way out. I set her free. I gave her an escape plan that not even the mighty Sebastian Lockwood, Clay Jansen, Hunter Rossberg, and Evan Morris could have predicted. I gave her the one thing I haven’t had in years. Freedom.
Not that Bunny’s bid for freedom had lasted that long. Clay had tracked her down within a couple of months, although to his merit, he didn’t tell the others where she was. Instead, he apologized to her for his role in her manipulation, and he offered to help her get completely free of Hunter.
Of the four boys who invaded my world when I was only sixteen, Clay is the only one who has changed. I don’t think he’s become a different person. But I do believe that finding his wife, January, who is the sweetest, most gentle person in the world, and loving her has made Clay a better person. He still has the capacity to be a monster, but he tries not to be.
I’m happy that they found each other, but a part of me is a little jealous, because since the day I revealed my piece on the board and proved that I’m not a broken little bird anymore, Sebastian’s behavior has forced me to accept that he’s exactly the same person that he was the day he introduced himself to me and told me I was his. He and his friends changed my life. They destroyed my future and created the one they wanted for me. I’m a completely different person, good or bad, because of him, but he hasn’t changed at all.
Sebastian is still spoiled, obsessed, possessive, controlling, and manipulative. The only difference between the Sebastian I met in high school and who he is now is that he’s gotten more unhinged and ruthless with age.
What today has shown me is that Sebastian isn’t in love with the person I am now. He still wants me to be his innocent little bird, but I’ve changed, and it’s time to figure out if he can accept that. I need to decide if our marriage can survive us both being who we actually are and not just who we each want us to be.
TWO
SEBASTIAN
Watchingher sprint down the beach away from me makes my gut twist uncomfortably. The last time she ran away from me like that was when she first came to Kingsacre University and I revealed that I was the real reason she was there.
Back then I was angry and determined, now I’m terrified. My wife is backing further and further away from me, and the only way I know how to stop her from leaving is to cage her to me.
I know she still loves me, and I love her more than anything else in the entire world, but I’ve been forced to realize that I don’t really know her anymore. In the last year, she hatched a plan and made one of my closest friend’s wives disappear from beneath our noses, while I had no idea she was plotting behind our backs.
One day Bunny was living in the house we all shared on campus, and the next she was gone, without a trace. Even now, months later, we don’t know where she went or how she was able to disappear so seamlessly, but deep down I know that it’s because Starling planned everything for her own disappearance.
The thought that I could wake up one morning and find the spot beside me empty has plagued me ever since. I don’t knowhow to cope with the fear of her leaving me, other than to keep her close to me so she never has an opportunity.
When we lived on campus, it was easier. My brothers and I should have graduated over a year ago, but we prolonged our time in college because none of us were willing to leave the girls behind, knowing that they’d still be in school for a couple more years. Honestly, we’d probably have dragged it out until they graduated if Sammy hadn’t announced her engagement to a guy none of us knew and her plan to leave us all behind and transfer to Harvard.
Starling always has been, and always will be mine, and although I’ll never admit it out loud, over the years I’ve enjoyed segregating her from everyone else. Her closest and only friend in high school was an asshole that happily chose me and popularity over her friendship with my wife, and after Starling ran away to Maine, she never bothered to make new friends. I’ve always believed that all Starling has ever needed is me, and when I first brought her to Kingsacre University, I wanted all of her time, all of her attention, and all of her focus. So when Starling brought Sammy home, I instantly hated her. She’s mouthy, opinionated, and she had the audacity to steal some of my little bird’s attention away from me.
Sammy was a threat to me, and I considered removing her from my little bird’s world, but I’m so glad that I didn’t. Not that I think she would have allowed me to force her away. But when I watched the woman I love laugh with her friend, when I’d forgotten what her happiness looked like, it shocked me. Seeing her smile and learning how she looked when she was happy made me want to be the person who made her feel that way.
But beyond how much she meant to Starling, Sammy became one of us. My brothers and I broke Starling. It was mostly me, but they helped, and we all feel some guilt for the things we didboth before and after I claimed Starling as mine; so allowing her to keep the friend who was helping her was the least we could do.
Since Sammy became one of us, she’s become so much more than just Starling’s friend. We all saw Evan fall for her. At the time I thought it was obvious to all of us except Sammy and Evan that they were perfect for each other. But no matter how much their lives were entwined together, Evan kept denying he felt anything for her, when he should have just claimed her as his the first time she came to the house.
Of the four of us, Evan is the brother who has wrestled more than any of us with his guilt over the part he played in ruining Starling and her mom’s relationship. We were the ones who suggested Evan’s dad, Harry, should ask Cassidy, Starling’s mom, out on a date. We told him a little of our plan to bring Starling back to me, and he was on board with using Cassidy to manipulate her daughter. We didn’t expect him to fall in love with her or marry her, and we never anticipated that Evan would gain a sister who not only hated him but also her mom and her new stepfather too.
When Sammy announced her engagement, Starling shocked us all by telling Evan to do whatever he needed to do to bring Sammy back to us. Since the day I forced my way into Starling’s life, I’ve waited for her to truly accept my brothers. After everything that happened with Hunter, I never expected it to happen, so I was elated when she offered Evan an olive branch.
She wanted her friend back, and he wanted to claim his woman. Starling offered him absolution, and I was elated. But none of us had any inkling that Sammy’s engagement and her decision to transfer to a new school was all just a plan orchestrated by Starling to give Evan the kick in the ass he needed to acknowledge his feelings for Sammy and stake a claim.
To be honest, when Sammy told us all the truth—that she and Starling had plotted and manipulated all of us—I was impressed. Once again Starling had shown me that she is truly one of us now. That she’s equally as conniving, ruthless, and manipulative as the rest of us.
