“Do you think that your refusal to have a relationship with your mom is about you wanting to hurt her?”
Holding my breath, I wait for Starling’s response. My only real regret is destroying Starling and Cassidy’s relationship, and if there’s any hope of repairing the rift between us, I’ll do anything to fix it.
“Yes and no,” Starling says. “Now that I can look back on our relationship, it wasn’t great even before Sebastian and I met. Mom is brilliant but useless at the same time. I was the one paying the bills and working to cover the months where shedidn’t earn enough to pay the mortgage payment. Mom wasn’t really a parent; she was my roommate. I guess that’s what made it so easy to get sucked into the strange world of excess that Harry and the others offered her. I didn’t want to be noticed by Sebastian and his rich friends, but my mom was excited to be chosen. To a certain degree, I get why she picked them over me. But I don’t have to forgive her for that. She’s never taken accountability for the way she dismissed my feelings and then chose to believe Sebastian’s narrative over mine. I was sixteen and out of my depth. I needed her, and she didn’t pick me. She picked Sebastian and Harry the big house and whatever else they have now. I understand why she did it, but that doesn’t mean I have to forgive it. I was her child, and she told me she’d cut me out of her life if I didn’t stay in a relationship with a boy who made me feel like I was drowning. What parent does that?”
“But you accepted Sebastian?” Dr. Sally questions.
“I fell in love with him.”
“Has he ever taken accountability for his behavior? Has he changed? Is he a fundamentally different person than he was when you met him in high school?”
“Sebastian isn’t the type of man who apologizes,” she says with a dry laugh.
Instead of speaking, Dr. Sally waits for Starling to continue.
“He knows he hurt me. He knows that as much as I love him, a part of me will always hate him.”
“Is that okay?”
“I love him more than I hate him. Most days.”
“How did it feel when he revealed that you’d be taking a full team of bodyguards to school with you?”
“Like I was drowning again,” she says, a single tear falling from her eye, rolling down her cheek, and dripping from her chin.
“You said this week had been a good week. So, what have you done to help you to move past the way he made you feel?” Dr. Sally asks.
Laughing, Starling’s cheeks turn pink. “We…our…our dynamic has changed.”
“Your dynamic?” Dr. Sally questions. “Your sexual dynamic?”
“After the security stuff, I freaked out. I went for a run down the beach.”
“You ran away from him?”
Shrugging, Starling nods. “Yes, I ran away from him. He knew where I was, though. I have a fucking tracker in my neck.”
“Have you considered having it removed?”
“No,” Starling admits.
“Why not?”
“I guess I see it as a necessary evil. Having it saved me from being raped in my freshman year. I don’t love feeling like I’m constantly being monitored, but knowing it’s there makes me feel safe too.”
“I think that’s understandable. You were attacked. I know you don’t think that has affected you, but trauma like that changes you. Did your and Sebastian’s relationship change after he used your tracker to find you and rescue you?”
“Yeah. I guess it did.”
“Do you feel like you were more willing to overlook some of his more concerning controlling behaviors afterward?”
“Yes,” Starling agrees. “Him being a control freak literally saved me from being raped. It’s hard not to feel a little differently after that.”
“I agree. But if you hadn’t been attacked, do you think you’d have felt the same?”
“I’m not sure,” Starling admits.
“For your homework this week, I want you to think about what your relationship would look like if that incident hadn’t happened and we’ll discuss it in our next session.”
