Eva’s face was drawn, more bags under her eyes, and Lily surmised she still wasn’t sleeping. Lily remembered Elsa telling her she never slept well, that she rarely got more than five or six hours.
Lily wondered how many Eva was getting now. Was she up late, staring at the phone like Lily sometimes did, wondering what would happen if she cracked and sent a message?
But no, she always told herself. Eva had been clear, and Lily wasn’t going to break first, no matter how much she might want to.
“I’ll make it quick,” Eva said, once she’d settled into her seat. She kept her gaze focused on the desk, seemingly unwilling to look Lily in the eye. “You did well today.”
Lily tried not to look too pleased, tried not to preen at what she knew was a rarely-offered compliment. Impressing Eva was no mean feat, and Lily was happy that—despite all their history—Eva thought she was good at her job.
“You made the lesson engaging and offered support to everyone who needed it.” It sounded like Eva was reading from a script, and Lily wondered what was written on the paper she was staring at so intently. “It looks like you’ve settled in here well.”
Apart from with Eva,Lily added in her mind, knowing that was the one area where she was lacking. With everyone else, Lily already felt like part of the furniture, like she’d been there an age, like she fit, but with Eva…with Eva she felt off-kilter, unbalanced, and never more so than when she was right there but refusing to look at her.
“I don’t see any areas for concern,” Eva continued. “And I’ll be saying as much to Alisha when she returns.” Eva glanced away from her notes, but still didn’t look Lily in the eye. “Is there anything else you wanted to discuss?”
Nothing Eva wanted her to. Lily bit down on her bottom lip so she didn’t say the words aloud. “That’s it?” Lily said, instead, because she was under the impression these things usually lasted longer. Mei had been in with Eva for half an hour the previous day—she knew, because Mei had complained about it for another ten minutes to Lily after Eva had departed.
“What more would you like?” Eva arched an eyebrow, and Lily saw a flicker of the woman she was used to in the straightening of her spine. “A commendation?”
“It just feels short, considering it’s my first full year.”
“If you’re suggesting I’m allowing our personal issues to interfere with work—”
“I didn’t say anything about that, but if you’re thinking it, maybe it’s a sign of a guilty conscience.”
The sound of Eva’s jaw clacking shut was loud enough to echo through the room. Lily was surprised steam wasn’t coming out of her ears.
Frustration flooded through Lily. “Can we act like adults about this?”
“I thought we were.”
Lily scoffed. “You haven’t looked at me once since you came in here.”
Eva’s eyes fluttered closed, and the papers she held between her fingers trembled. “I can’t,” Eva said, her voice deathly quiet, raw and open in a way Lily had never heard before. “I can’t look at you.”
“Why?”
“You know why.” Eva’s voice cracked, and Lily watched her chest expand as she took a deep breath. “We’re not talking about this.” She pushed herself to her feet and gathered up her things. “You should be proud of what you did today.”
“Wait—”
Eva was halfway through the door before Lily could blink, but Lily moved quickly to stand in her way, attempting to get her to stay, to get her to talk, because if they could have one honest conversation, then maybe they could fix this.
“Get out of my way, Lily.” Eva sounded as tired as she looked. “Please. I just want to be left alone.”
It stung more than it should, but it had its intended effect, Lily stepping aside to leave a clear path to the door. Eva strode away, heels clicking on the floor. One step forward, two steps back.
Lily threw herself onto her desk chair and buried her head in her hands.
Summer could not come soon enough.
Chapter 18
Lily was manning a tableat the GSA’s bake sale—the second of the year, after the first had done so well—when Alisha approached with a warm smile.
Lily knew she was back but hadn’t seen her yet, as Alisha had been busy catching up on what she’d missed in her month away. She looked worn, her eyes tired, but God, was it a relief to see her.
“Hey.” Lily beckoned her behind the craft table. “How are you?”
