How could she, when there was so much history between them? History Eva was trying hard to smother, even though it lingered, heavy in the air between them.
Eva recognized a few faces; they were a good bunch of kids, and Eva suspected Alisha had chosen this class for Lily’s evaluation on purpose, wanting to give her an easier ride.
Lily cleared her throat, and Eva noticed a tremble in her hands as she straightened some papers at the edge of her desk. It was the moment of truth: would Lily be able to shake it off? Or would she crumble beneath the weight of Eva’s gaze?
“Last lesson we talked about the theory behind titration. Today you’ll be doing it for yourselves, but first—who can give me one of the four categories of titration? Yes, Macie.”
“Acid-base.”
The answer made Eva think of that night on the balcony, of Lily’s speech about chemistry—and everything that had happened afterwards.
Eva set her jaw, trying to shake it off. She had a job to do, and it wasn’t to sit reminiscing on the past.
On things that could never happen again.
“Perfect.” Lily’s smile was warm, and Eva watched some of the tension in her shoulders melt away. “Can anyone give me another? Luke.”
“Precipitation.”
“Excellent.”
Lily’s confidence grew by the second, and she kept her gaze determinedly away from Eva. Which suited Eva fine—it was easier to observe someone who was pretending they didn’t know they were being watched.
Eva had never particularly enjoyed chemistry—too much theory about bonds and molecules she hadn’t cared enough to memorize—but if she’d had a teacher like Lily, she might have gotten a better grade.
Her chemistry teacher had been monotonous and boring, droning on and on and oblivious to his students’ eyes glazing over, but Lily was his antithesis.
Pacing at the front of the room, Lily’s hands were constantly in motion as she talked, firing off more questions and rewarding those with the best answers. She was good, made it clear she cared about her kids, and Eva didn’t think there was a thing she could fault her on.
When the class moved on to the practical element, Lily took the opportunity to walk between the benches, checking everyone knew what they were doing, and Eva was left staring at her.
Staring, and trying not to remember what her skin felt like beneath her fingertips; what her mouth felt like, pressed against Eva’s neck. Easy to brush aside when she was pretending Lily didn’t exist, but not as she watched her stride around her classroom with an air of authority Eva had never seen on her before. Like she belonged, in a way she’d never seemed to when she was in Eva’s space.
Here, seeing Lily in her element, Eva saw for the first time some of Molly in her. The way she shut down a smart-ass remark from a kid with a sarcastic comment of her own. The way she patiently walked through a set of equations step by step with a student who was struggling.
It was jarring, to say the least. Eva had been trying hard to think of them as different people, to deny she’d felt something for the woman she claimed to despise, but Lily and Molly were one and the same, and it was plain for her to see.
Worst of all—it made Eva miss Molly. She’d been doing so well at not thinking about it, at squashing any feelings that threatened to come to life, but Eva couldn’t deny her nights were lonely without Molly’s messages. Sometimes, when Eva was bored, or if something interesting happened in her day, Eva’s fingers reached for her phone like it was a force of habit, hovering over Molly’s name before Eva remembered herself.
Eva wondered what might have been, had she and Lily met under different circumstances. Could they have ever been friends? Or would their perception have always been forever tainted by a bad start, by Eva’s standoffish attitude?
She didn’t know, and she never would.
Eva only knew this: whatever she had felt, once upon a time, she wouldn’t allow herself to feel again.
* * *
Lily tapped her pen so hard against the page it was a wonder she didn’t tear a hole through it, her whole body on high alert.
She’d survived a lesson observation—one of the least pleasant, in her opinion, parts of the job—with Eva. Survived the rest of the day, stressing about how it had gone, too. Lily just had to endure the meeting that came after it, and then she could forget all about it.
The one-on-one meeting, with no students to serve as a distraction for her attention. Just her and Eva alone in a room together.
Would they manage to survive it intact?
It was up for debate.
When Eva strode into Lily’s room, she left the door open a crack and sat as far away as physically possible.
