I can’t do that, Eva.
Eva. Not Elsa. She gripped the phone so tight it was a wonder it didn’t snap and had to resist the urge to throw the damn thing at the wall.
Breathing heavily, she stepped beneath the searing hot water. Once out, Eva stared at her reflection in the mirror, taking in the haunted look in her eyes.
How could she face Lily on Monday morning after everything between them had changed, shifted off-center, into uncharted waters? Lily was going to want to talk about it, wasn’t she? Or worse—ask Eva what it meant, when she didn’t even know the answer to that herself.
Eva groaned, tipping forward to rest her forehead against the cool glass and closing her eyes. All she did know was that she needed to put a stop to things before they went any further. Eva was already too close to the edge—another step and she’d fall over it completely.
And that was unacceptable. Eva remembered the pain of Victoria leaving her, remembered her vow that she’d never let anyone put her in a position to be hurt again—and tried not to think about the way Lily had clutched at her, about how Molly’s texts had made her feel.
Tonight had been a mistake, from start to finish, and Eva couldn’t let it happen again.
Not if she wanted to keep her heart intact.
Chapter 16
As she strode down thehall, Eva thought that if she didn’t look at Lily’s room, she could pretend Lily didn’t exist.
Eva had had to take her mother to the hospital to check how her ankle was healing. It meant she’d bought herself an extra hour where she didn’t have to set eyes on the woman she’d been unable to stop thinking about all weekend.
The consequence was that someone had to cover her first class. And who better than the only science teacher with a free period first thing on a Monday?
Eva knew to expect it, but she was wholly unprepared for the sight of Lily sitting behind her own desk as the last of the stragglers of Eva’s freshman basics class packed up their things.
Lily looked awkward and out of place, her laptop balanced precariously close to the edge of the desk, as though she was afraid to take up too much room. And maybe she was—Eva wasn’t exactly the most welcoming of people to those who invaded her space.
The board was covered in Lily’s messy scrawl explaining the levels of organization, and Eva supposed she should be glad they’d had a teacher who knew what she was talking about.
“I trust they weren’t too much trouble,” Eva said, announcing her presence. She tried to keep her tone gruff, tried not to be too overly familiar, not like the last time they’d laid eyes on one another and Eva had turned tail and run, the memory of Lily’s kiss fresh in her mind.
“N-no.” Lily cleared her throat. “They were fine.” She was staring, her eyes drinking in Eva’s face, a tremble in her lip. Lily wasn’t going to cry, was she?
Eva stared at a spot to the left of Lily’s head to avoid meeting her gaze. “May I have my desk back?”
“Oh, right! Of course.” Lily scrambled to her feet, and Eva gritted her teeth when she knocked a pile of papers over in her haste to get out of Eva’s way. “Shoot, sorry, I’ll—”
“It’s all right,” Eva said, waving her off as she bent to attempt to pick them up. “I’ll get them.”
Eva expected Lily to leave, to scamper away back to the safety of her own classroom. But when Eva looked up, Lily was still hovering at the end of her desk.
“What do you want?”
“I just—is everything okay? When Alisha said you weren’t in this morning, I…well. I guess I worried you were avoiding me.”
Eva knew Lily was only concerned. That she cared about her—though if the concern was more for Eva or Elsa, she couldn’t say.
“If you must know,” Eva said, her words clipped, “I had to take my mother to a hospital appointment—not that it’s any of your business.”
“Oh.” Lily blinked, mouth opening and closing as she searched for what she wanted to say. “Is she okay?”
“She’s fine.” Unlike Eva. Her head felt like it was spinning whenever she glanced Lily’s way. She was barely holding herself together and wished Lily wouldn’t linger.
“Good. That’s good. Can we…can we talk? Please?”
Eva let out a long breath. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
Lily scoffed. “Seriously?”
