“I know,” I say, biting my bottom lip.
Those stormy eyes continue to narrow on me, and I’m not sure if he wants to kill me or fuck me. Probably both, but I’m going to lean more toward fuck, seeing as it’s been a while.
“And?”
“I think I’ve said enough.” He tries to step around me.
“Hey.” I grab him by the arm and electricity caresses my skin. He feels it too as he jumps out of my hold. “Where’s my apology?”
Charlie rolls his eyes.
The nerve!
Before scrubbing his face. “You’re right. I’m sorry I blocked you. I still think it’s for the best, but …”
“You’ll unblock me?” I add.
He shrugs. “If you want.” He slides his large hands into his sweatpants.
I shake my head. “I don’t get you, Charlie. You’re hot and cold. I’m a big boy, if you’re not interested in me that’s fine. If you just want to be friends, I’m okay with that, too. Acquaintances? I’m all for that. But this limbo? Nah. I don’t like that.”
Charlie looks conflicted over my question, and I can see his body stiffen as if paralyzed by the fear of answering my question.
“I’ll make it simple for you …” I step into his personal space. Reaching out, I run my finger down his damp chest and over his muscles, pulling a hiss from his lips. “I like you … although it’s debatable right now because I’m hurt. I don’t do well with rejection. I’m going to thank my parents for that lingering trauma.” Charlie swallows as he listens. “But if you think you can communicate in a normal way, and when things make you uncomfortable, you don’t shut down, you either tell me you need a moment or talk it through with me. I liked our conversations, I think we got on well …” My eyes dip low as my finger stops just above the edge of his sweats. His breathing has increased, and there’s slight panic flashing across his eyes, but he’s making an effort not to bolt, which I appreciate. “I think we could get on even better.” I let my finger slide along the edge of his sweats. His hand flicks out and grabs my wrist, halting me.
“Don’t,” he says through gritted teeth.
Shit.
Did I push him too far? Sweat seems to have collected across his brow, and he’s turned pale. I take a step back out of his personal space, and he automatically drops my hand.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” Charlie gasps. I nod. “You shouldn’t be sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry,” he says, thumping his chest. “I don’t deserve a moment of your time after the shit I pulled. This was all me, not you, and it kills me that I might have made you think otherwise. You have been the bright spark in my days when wewere messaging, and things have been pretty grim ever since,” he confesses.
Oh. That’s sweet.
“I want to be honest with you, Derrick.” His voice softens. Here we go. He’s going to let me down easily.You did ask him to be honest.I thought he would confess he wanted to suck my dick. “I’m no good for you, Derrick. I’m no good for anyone right now … but I would like us to start again, maybe rebuild that friendship I smashed to smithereens because I got scared.”
You wanted honesty, and he gave it to you. “I’d like that,” I tell him. “Not going to deny I’m upset that you don’t want to kiss me again.”
Charlie bursts out laughing. I didn’t think the idea was that funny. “You thinking that I don’t want to kiss you is absurd.”
Now I’m confused. I thought he said he wanted to be friends.
“I think you are the sexiest person I’ve ever met, and I was in the military and there are some hot men in uniform.”
“Tell me more about these military men. I’m a whore for a man in uniform.”
“Good to know.” He winks at me. Whiplash with the emotions, but I’ll take this flirty Charlie over brooding, self-deprecating Charlie. “I was a whore for men in uniform, too.” I bet he was. “I had a reputation before …” His eyes darken, the gloomy cloud starting to come over again.
“I want all the details,” I ask him, trying to keep him away from those dark thoughts.
He chuckles again. “One day I’ll fill you in.”
“I’m warning you now, any stories you tell me will go to my spank bank.”
“Duly noted. Anyway, the point of this whole conversation is I want to kiss you, but I think it’s best I don’t.”
