I shook my head and squeezed his hand.
“And Cayden made me a prophet.” Xan let out a bitter laugh. “All my work to appear as small as possible, and Cayden put me on a pedestal for his people to worship.”
I bit my lower lip. “Does that mean Cayden trusts you to do the right thing?”
Xan jerked behind me. The horse took a few more steps. I half expected him to respond with some funny misdirect, but he didn’t.
“I hadn’t thought about it that way.” Xan unlaced our fingers and pulled me against his chest. “But honestly, I’d like to believe that’s true.”
I smiled, but before I could respond, he relaxed his grip and let out an unhappy grunt. “Cayden’s angry I didn’t use my telepathy to root out Matt and prevent all of this… and it’s made me realize I am too.” He squeezed me tight. “I created a hard and fast line I wouldn’t cross, and in the end, I lost you because of it. The families are not happy. Even the Abernathys have asked me to prove I’m not mind controlling you, and they’re my biggest allies.” He sighed. “I shouldn’t be dumping all of this on you.”
“No.” I found his thigh and clawed it to get my point across. “No. I asked for this.” I threw his words back at him. “I want the dump. If I’m staying with you, then I want to understand.”
Xan’s hand wandered up my side and down my hip as if memorizing the shape despite my layers of sweaters.
“If.” Xan's hand went up and down. “I hate that word. What I hate more is that you can say it, but because of me, people might not believe it’s your choice.” He kissed the back of my head. “I have never and will never use magic on you, Quinn. If you stay in my family, you have to know I would never force you to do anything because of our personal lives.” He cupped my cheek and tilted my head to the side so we could mostly look each other in the eye. “I never should’ve stuck you on work-study. You’re a diamond, and I treated you like dirt.”
I put my hand on his knee and squeezed. “You saved my life. We’ve talked about this.”
“I did, and we have.” Xan pulled me closer. “But when you got assigned train duty, you assumed it was personal, and it almost killed me.” A tremor ran down his body, causing his horse to toss its head. “I know we’ve come a long way since then, but this is our first chance to clear the air.” He leaned down and brushed my ear with his lips. A completely different kind of shiver heated my insides. “Repeat it, so I know you believe it: you don’t owe me. I’ll never control you.”
The knots of unease within me softened. I needed to hear this so badly. “You don’t owe me. You can’t control me,” I echoed with only a slight change. “Knowledge Daddy.”
Xan let out a strained chuckle. “That goddamn name.”
I grinned. “Tell me about what happened while I was missing. Cayden said you three worked together in the Alun? It’s hot in there. Were you shirtless with Rowan?”
“You just want the visual,” Xan accused.
I wiggled my ass against him as something poked my lower back.
Xan groaned. “Now I’m turned on for two reasons. And yeah, that man’s as handsome as Ezra, but in a much bulkier way.” Xan kissed the side of my head. “But that was not on my mind. Only you.”
I swatted him, butterflies chasing bees through my insides. Our conversation flowed, from deep to jokes, to comparing our ‘boyfriends’ haircuts. The Xan I’d first met at The Rooster brightened my world.
The night deepened as our caravan rumbled forward. Soon enough, the dots of Edinburgh turned into shadowed outlines and distinct balls of colorful light.
“I don’t know what’s ahead,” Xan murmured as we halted. “But I’m going to kiss you here, in front of everyone. Damn the consequences.”
He leaned down and brushed my lips with his. When I didn’t pull away, he pressed harder, molding his lips to mine. The scruff on his chin pricked my skin, and his thumb danced along my jawbone. Regardless of the shuffle we’d done in his room, this was our first real kiss. Soft sparks flew, nothing like the waves of lust being between him and Ezra, but richer.
He pulled away too soon, leaving my lips swollen and my heart aching for more. Ezra pulled up next to us, and my heart thumped a little harder.
The shadow mage locked his gaze with mine. “To me. Xan will be splitting his focus.” He moved his foot out of his stirrup, and I realized he was commanding me to shift to his saddle.
“So, I’m luggage now? What if I’d rather ride with Rowan?”
Xan froze, but his lover’s teeth flashed in the night. “Then I’ll see how many halls I can pitch a tent in.”
My stomach flipped.
Ezra held out his hand. “Now, Quinn.”
“But only if you want to,” Xan whispered against my ear.
I squeezed Xan’s knee before taking his lover’s hand and stepping from one horse to the other. The change in weight made Ezra’s black mount shuffle, and the shadow mage wrapped his hands around my waist, blatantly guiding me down his chest so my ass felt every strong muscle. Xan didn’t take his eyes off us.
These two were going to be the death of me.
