“Quinn has to have one of us near, or she can’t heat herself,” Cayden cut Xan off.
“One of us,” Xan repeated. “Not just you. She can’t be your crutch.”
I looked down, not just feeling the truth of Xan’s words but hearing Ezra in the hall.‘If it had been Xan who had died, I might be one of the people hanging from the rafters.’Did Xan not realize Ezra worshiped him the same way?
“Quinn’s my world,” Cayden growled, squeezing me tighter.
Xan unlaced his fingers. “And that’s not healthy.”
“And ignoring her because of what others think is?” Cayden asked.
Xan narrowed his eyes. “It’s not. But you can’t possibly understand the pressure a mentalist lives under.”
Cayden laughed bitterly. “Why? Because people thought you were raping your cousins to breed a super race? And turns out… they were right. You were the only one blind?”
This wasn’t a fight I wanted to hear. I squeezed Cayden’s thigh. “You didn’t rape anyone. I asked your cousins. One even bragged about your tongue…” I trailed off, letting them fill in the blanks.
Cayden’s blush almost glowed in the dark.
“You’re festering in your negativity, Cayden,” Xan continued. “And you can, for as long as you want, but you can’t change the past, only shape the future. And you cannot take care of Quinn until you can take care of yourself.”
Xan’s words eerily mimicked Rowan's from a few days ago.
“Quinn.” Xan extended his hand. “Cayden needs space. You agree?”
Cayden tensed behind me, and I turned in the saddle, but he didn’t meet my gaze. He knew Xan was right, but he didn’t want me to leave either.
My heart squeezed. “I love you, Cayden.”
Cayden’s eyes flew wide. I reached up and gave him a peck under his chin before taking Xan’s hand.
It should’ve been awkward as hell going from one man’s saddle to the other’s with the horses still walking, but I foundmyself seamlessly straddling a slightly taller horse. Xan’s magic didn’t affect physical objects, and Cayden had to draw runes.
I turned my head around and saw Rowan with a few fingers pointed at me while casually pretending not to eavesdrop. I grinned at him, and he gave me a small salute. Suddenly, the horse I was on picked up its pace. Xan pushed past both Cayden and Rowan to take a position at the front. I looked back to see Cayden holding the spot I’d kissed with his gaze fixed on us.
“Cayden’s going to be fine,” Xan murmured into my hair. I turned back to study his horse's ears in the dark. “He has a position directly under Lark, my logistics officer, waiting when we get back. He’s still welcome to any training he would like. But he’s stuck in a brutal cycle right now, and you’re part of it.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing what he meant too well. “Yeah. You’re right. I hate it, but you’re right.”
We rode in silence. Only the clop of horses' hooves and the screams of a few crows filled the air. There was no sunset. The day just darkened until it was gone. A few lights from Edinburgh flickered in the distance.
“Can you be seen riding double with me like this?” I asked as the light bounced with the horse's steps.
Xan let out an unhappy breath. “Can I? Yes.” He placed his hand on his leg, inches from my thigh. “Should I? Well, the answer used to be no, and it is probably still no. But my reasons for keeping you at arm's length are getting thinner by the moment.”
A patchwork of stars poked out of the cloudy sky. I didn’t ask. Xan would either keep talking or he wouldn’t.
“I could kill everyone within a hundred meters with a thought,” he said softly. “But I don’t.”
Goosebumps covered my arms.
“Just because I can, doesn’t mean I do.” Xan’s fingers drifted toward my leg, and I laced our fingers together, just like I didwith Cayden. For a brief moment, it felt wrong before Xan folded his fingers into mine and pressed both our hands to my stomach. The same but different.
“I want them to trust me because they believe I’ll do the right thing,” Xan whispered.
My heart throbbed in my chest. Once again, Xan sounded so much like old me it hurt.
“I’ve spent the last seven years sculpting the Architect into a powerful but benevolent force. I’ve tiptoed around the world, making sure I didn’t give anyone any reason to doubt me.” Xan snorted. “Did you know this was the first time I’ve left my walls in the last three years?”
