“Because you’re here,” Xan answered.
It was a simple, clean answer that told me nothing. I took a deep breath. Today had been emotional and raw. I didn’t want to make more excuses for Xan, but we were all tired and did the best we could. His best just didn’t involve me—at all.
“Yeah. You can sleep here. I’m just surprised.” I squirmed, and Rowan put a hand on my hip to calm me.
“Why are you surprised?” Xan pulled an identical roll of bedding out of his pocket-void and made a spot above my head. “I’ve made my intentions clear.”
“Have you sent her an Intention?” Rowan asked.
Xan blushed. “That’s not what I meant. We’ve talked.”
“We did,” I said carefully. “But what we talked about and what’s happening don’t match up.”
Ezra narrowed his eyes at me. “Xan was busy. We made sure you were not alone. Do you need four men around you at all times?”
I spluttered, heat crawling up my neck and feeling like a greedy bitch. The old Quinn wanted to duck her head, to shrink and appease. But I wasn’t her anymore. I’d given these two the benefit of the doubt, and Ezra’s response to my tiptoeing was to attack me.
Nope.
Rage burst through me; every man who’d ever made me small funneled into this moment.
“You know, Ezra, I don’t actually.” I smiled sweetly. “That’s an excellent point. I really don’t.” I didn’t let my sickeningly sweet facade fall. “Find somewhere else to sleep.”
Ezra smirked, as if my words were a challenge, and took off his shirt.
After being momentarily distracted by abs, I smiled harder, every muscle in my face aching, and pointed at the door. “Get the fuck out. Now.”
Ezra’s smirk fell. “Really?”
“Yeah.” I finally let my expression match my frustration and hurt. Crossing my arms over my chest, I leaned against Rowan like he was a wall. “I do need four men, or six, or ten. I need as many men as I need.” My castle filled with hot mages filled my mind, and I giggled. I sincerely doubted it sounded sane. “The point is, you don’t get to tell me. And you don’t get to judge me for it.”
Xan put out his hand. “It’s been an emotionally charged day.”
“Xan, shut up,” I snapped.
Xan’s eyebrows shot to his forehead. I’d literally kill to have Everly witness this, but she took an offered bed rather than sleep on the floor.
“You didn’t say it, Xan, Ezra did.” I finally looked away from Ezra. “I’m not telling you to leave. I’m telling Ezra. You two are not the same person.”
I looked back at Ezra, daring him to defend himself. Instead, he inclined his head. “I will sleep in the hall.” He picked up his stuff and exited.
I shook, adrenaline flooding like I’d just gone twelve rounds. I’d stood up for myself and instantly second-guessed it. Had Ezra been judging me? Flirting? Setting up something I wasn’t ready for? My brain spiraled, but none of it mattered. I wasn’t backing down.
I pushed off Rowan to stand on my own two feet.
Xan slid to my free side and cupped my cheek. “Quinn.”
Heat scorched my cheeks. “Were you reading my mind?”
Xan shook his head. “I don’t do that without permission, though, as your blush is burning my hand, I badly wish I had.” He smiled softly while Rowan and Cayden busied themselves, unnecessarily straightening our makeshift bed.
“You’re right. I promised you more and then didn’t deliver.” Xan released my cheek. “I left you with people I trusted, and my focus turned to other problems. Sometimes all I do is stop the bleeding. You weren’t in crisis anymore, so I shifted my focus. I thought of you often, but I didn’t act.” He placed his hand on my shoulder, and when I didn’t pull away, he ran it down until the heat of his palm pressed into the small of my back. “There’s no excuse.”
The old Quinn wanted to forgive him. I crushed her down. Love had many languages, but if Xan and I couldn’t speak the same one, we were doomed.
Xan took a deep breath and met my gaze again. The world swam in his baby blues. “May I lay here tonight, if not as your lover, then as a friend who had a really hard day?”
“Understatement,” Cayden mumbled. “There are no words that can describe today.”
