I don’t know how I’d forgotten what being collared felt like. Maybe because the first time, I didn’t have magic, and the second, I partially broke it seconds after putting it on. The magic I’d grown used to vanished. The silence left me raw, with cold seeping straight into my bones. I suddenly felt very alone.
I sat up, opening my eyes and rubbing my arms. Xan, now sitting next to me, pulled out the massive white cloak he’d wrapped me up in the first time I exited his apartment. The cold eased. I’d said I was okay with the collar, but regret hit instantly. It took me a solid minute to remember how to breathe without magic kissing my lungs. Xan rubbed my back while Everly hovered over me, wringing her hands. More tears streamed down her face.
“It’s still me,” I blurted, needing something to be normal.
“I’m so sorry.” Everly swallowed hard, her voice rough with regret. “I didn’t think I’d ever do that again.” Her perfect lips quivered, but she didn’t fall apart like me; instead, her face hardened. “My dad made me collar Amanda. One day, we were playing with dolls. The next, she only existed to serve me.” She scowled, though her eyes were lost in memory. “I was so unhappy that my dad sent her away, as if it were her fault. I never found out what happened to her.”
My heart went out to her. “It’s not your fault.” I put my hands on hers and squeezed. “You were a child, and it’s not your fault this time either.” Even wrapped in the cloak, the world felt colder without magic. I forced confidence I didn’t feel out of my mouth. “I’m not Amanda and we’re not kids. I agreed to this. It’s only temporary.”
I hoped. A shiver ran down my back. I was still the new Quinn, just not as sparkly.
Rowan hauled me back to his spot between him and Cayden. My best friend linked our ankles together, and my magic bloomed to life. Energy swirled around me as if I were Disney’s Pocahontas. I shook my head, definitely not to catch a glimpse of my unique locks as they fell around my eyes. This was fine. Everything would be fine. Unless I strayed too far from my guys, then the magic cut off. And ‘fine’ never really meant fine, did it?
Rowan kissed me. “You’re okay, Q-tip. We’ll figure this out fast.” He looked at Xan.
“Agreed.” Xan studied the collar and grimaced. “I started this family to fight against exactly this.” Xan stretched. Pops and crackles from his stiff muscles joined the horse's ever-walking clops. “Now, I need to catch up. Cayden with me. Ezra, have you briefed the enforcers?”
Ezra gave me a final lingering look before focusing on his lover. “No, I wanted to be specific.”
Cayden kissed my cheek. “I’m right here. If that big oaf doesn’t let you use your magic, say the word, and I won’t leave your side.”
“Go, your people need you,” I squeezed his arm.
Cayden joined XanRa, and the trio gracefully leaped onto their saddled horses without stopping the cart.
Rowan held me, but disappointment still twisted my gut. Xan left without a glance, out of my mind, free to do whatever he wanted. I only hoped I was still part of it.
“Talk to me, Q-tip,” Rowan brushed his lips under my ear. He couldn’t feel my emotions; the collar blocked all of that, but he still knew something was bothering me.
Why did I even want XanRa when I had this?
I shook the pair out of my head. “I’m fine.”
We came to a stop. Even in the dark, the Lawson compound’s mismatched walls stood out. An extensive set of double doors with large twin suns carved into each stood closed.
Xan, now dressed to impress with his hair slicked back, didn’t get us much reaction. However, the moment Cayden showed his face, the enormous doors swung open. Inside was bleak. Low, whitewashed buildings were too clean, with dark green cauldrons flooding the gaps between them. We passed four buildings without seeing a single person before pulling up infront of a two-story manor house, just as bleak and whitewashed as the rest of the compound.
I took a deep breath. I’d seen none of this. My time here had been split between two rooms, and I’d either been drugged, dissociating, or both. When I closed my eyes, I could still see the bodies I’d pelted with shattered glass.
We approached the largest building in the middle. A group of people, primarily women, huddled on the stairs, with a few more emerging from the building. All of them wore the same tie-dyed oranges. Unease filled my stomach.
Everly and I stepped off the wagon while the enforcers and XanRa dismounted. Hero appeared at his sister’s side and nudged her closer to Ezra’s men. Cayden was the last to get off his horse. He wore Xan’s training uniform and stood with his shoulders back and his hands in his pockets—an odd mix of confidence and unease. Not one enforcer stood by him. It was too much like our first placement. Wrong.
I grabbed Rowan’s hand and marched us to my best friend. I wasn’t a bodyguard, but I flanked Cayden as he and Rowan had flanked me.
“Family,” Cayden said. His voice cracked, and he coughed.
A woman stood. “You killed our Prophet and left us!”
Another woman moaned.
A few rocked.
“God has forsaken us,” someone cried.
A man hurried out of the manor house. “God has not forsaken us. I am the new Prophet.”
Two women wailed harder while another laughed.
