Sydney shook her head slightly and let out a deep breath. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, sweetie. Except, I had hoped you’d have an entirely different take-away. Did you give any thought to the rest of what we discussed?”
“Yes! I forgot to tell you. So many people wrote about getting fined on Sunday for having work done at their houses. At least now I know I wasn’t singled out by Officer Jerk Face.”
“A relief, I’m sure. Now stop avoiding my question. Are you going to stop being a scaredy-cat and let your guard down long enough to open up to the chance of sharing your life with someone?”
“Well, I didn’t join the Facebook page to find a love connection. Although”—I snorted—“a dapper octogenarian did post that he was looking for a fun-loving female to take ballroom dancing classes with him. Could be fun.”
“Waverly Agnes Ensworth! Enough joking, already! Can you be serious for five minutes?”
I picked up my cup of coffee and took a large gulp as she stared at me. After a few seconds of silence, in a small voice, I said, “Fine. After I closed my laptop for the night, I did a lot of soul searching.”
She looked satisfied. “Sounds like a good start. I’m listening.”
I reached into my pen holder and grabbed my favorite purple pen. I started to doodle on a pad of paper. It was easier to focus on my drawing than on my friend’s face. “I realized there is no middle ground with me. I am an all or nothing kind of girl.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Funny. I know my intense personality has benefits, like how I crush it here, but I also have known for a long time, my successes come at a cost.”
“They always do,” she said, looking wistful. I always wondered how she managed to juggle so much every day while making it seem easy. She was not someone who complained, but the look on her face proved to me she too either had regrets or felt overwhelmed.
I searched her eyes, hoping she’d elaborate. When she didn’t, I continued.
“I wasn’t joking yesterday when I said I peaked in high school. Growing up, I was a completely different person.”
“What do you mean?”
I swallowed hard and returned my focus to my doodles. “I was averygregarious child. I lived for attention, even the bad kind. Oh, and my mom bought me the best toys, which helped a lot. From the time I started nursery school, the cool kids gravitated toward me. Somehow, I became their informal leader. I’m not proud of all my actions, but I was a kid, and I had so much fun. Somehow, I missed the memo about having an awkward middle school phase, and my popularity continued to soar.” I wasn’t trying to be pompous, and I hoped Sydney understood.
“By the time I reached high school, everyone knew me. I dated seniors when I was a freshman. I was the youngest head cheerleader and a two-time homecoming queen. Life was one party after another. Despite barely studying, I still had stellar grades and managed to get into my first-choice college.”
“It’s a miracle we’re friends now,” Sydney said. “I was the complete opposite. I was practically friendless until I entered middle school, and even then, I ate my bologna sandwich in social Siberia.”
“Really?” I squinted at her, shocked. It always amazed me how much people changed.
She nodded her head but didn’t say anymore. She wanted to hear my story, which in retrospect, I was surprised I had never shared before.
“The party ended soon after I headed to university. I expected classes would come easy to me, like high school. I pledged a sorority and spent my first semester partying. Then when grades were posted, mine were pitiful.”
Sydney groaned. “What happened? Did you get aBminus, Ms. Perfection?”
“I wish. No.” I pressed my pen down so hard on the page that the paper ripped a little. “I was on the verge of flunking out.”
She gasped.
“Yep. Needless to say, my father had a conniption. He gave me a stern lecture about being a responsible human who needed to make something out of my life. He was so unrelenting and forceful. I had never seen that side of him, but then again, I had never disappointed him before.” My chest ached at the memory.
I took another sip of coffee. “Sometimes I swear it feels like his speech plays in an endless loop in my mind. I thought for sure he’d yank me out of school and drag me home, but he didn’t. He let me stay for another semester, but he refused to fund my education or my lifestyle until I got back on track. He took control over my savings account, canceled my credit card, shipped my car back home, and gave me the smallest allowance possible.”
“Wow. It must have been hard.”
I shrugged. “Nah. He was right, and I knew it at the time. I knew I deserved his punishment and that his decision came from a place of love. What broke me was knowing I had let him down. I promised myself I’d make him proud, even if it killed me.”
My eyes filled. “I studied my ass off the next semester and pulled my grades up but not high enough. I knew I had to work harder, which I did. I took summer classes and picked up my textbooks months early to get a head start. I prepared to take sophomore year by storm and show him how smart and hardworking I was.” A tear rolled down my cheek. “But I never had the chance. Right before my final grades were posted, he had his stroke. He died a few days later. He never knew I earned allA’s that year and every year after. He never saw how I turned my life around.” I reached for a tissue and dabbed at my eyes. “All I wanted to do was make him proud, but I never had the chance.”
Sydney stood up and walked around my desk. She held her arms out, and I fell into her embrace and sobbed. “Hush,” she cooed into my hair as she rubbed my back. “He knows, Waverly.”
I pulled away. I didn’t want any of our co-workers to witness me breaking down. “Thanks. It’s nice of you to say so, but I’m not so sure.”
