‘You look none the worse for your adventure, do you, wee man?’ Hamish said, ruffling Digby’s fur. The dog huffed and puffed, as though he’d run a marathon, and Hamish took a step back. ‘He’s got some powerful breath, there, hasn’t he?’
Hamish’s comment was enough to have her laughing, as pure relief flooded through her system.
‘Give him an antler horn to chew – that’ll clean those teeth up in no time,’ Hamish said, then he gestured to the tractor. ‘I can only offer one of you a lift back. Afraid there’s only one spare seat in the cab.’ His gaze fell on Sebastian. ‘Your Lordship?’
‘No. I’ll walk. Will you take Jess and the dog up to the castle?’
‘Aye, of course I will.’
‘There’ll be a bottle of whisky behind the bar at The Old Goat for you, to say a proper thank you,’ Sebastian said.
With a smile, Hamish gathered up his equipment and Jess climbed aboard the tractor. It chugged its way across the frozen ground, its huge tyres making short work of the snow. Jess watched Sebastian in the side mirror, the glass jiggling up and down as he grew smaller and smaller, and further away. Jess smiled, then swallowed a sob as she buried her fingers in the dog’s soft fur. Her time at the castle had been unforgettable but, regardless of what Sebastian had said, she was surer than ever that leaving was the safest decision.
Chapter 35
Back at the castle, Jess found Vivi resting quietly in the drawing room and closed the door to the rest of the house to keep the conversation private.
‘I’m sorry, Vivi – I need to tell you something. I need your help.’
Vivi frowned. ‘Well, that’s a dramatic opening line. You’ve been gone for ages – what happened? And where’s Sebastian got to?’
Jess shook her head. ‘He’s fine. He’s walking back. And Digby’s fine, too. Although that’s why I’ve been gone for so long. He had a bit of an accident, got stuck, but he’s OK now.’
As though to prove Jess’s words, Digby jumped his front legs onto Vivi’s chair, nudging at her hand with his muzzle.
‘Well, I think this needs further explanation at some point, but I’ll take your word for it right now. Because I thought your sudden disappearance might have had something to do with Catriona. Arriving unannounced on Christmas Day – a bit flamboyant, didn’t you think?’
‘I don’t know about that, but you know she and Sebastian used to be together. Vivi, I think they were very much in love. And I’m not convinced he isn’t still. He says not, but I saw the way he looked at her. I’m not stupid.’
‘Are you sure about that?’ Vivi’s eyebrows arched. ‘Sometimes I think you can be very stupid indeed.’
That caught Jess up short.
‘Don’t sit there with your mouth hanging open. I’m tired, Jess, and right now I think life’s too short for subtlety. What is it you think you need my help with?’
‘I think I made a mistake – with Sebastian. I think it’s only a matter of time before he realises I’m me, and I’m not at all special. And once he does? I think I should cut and run now, before he works out he could do so much better, and one of us gets seriously hurt.’
Vivi gave an exasperated sigh, then climbed to her feet. ‘Very well. So, you want me to help you pack?’
‘What?’
‘Well, if you’ve made your mind up, who am I to argue? I’m sure Amina can find them someone else to replace you as housekeeper.’
Jess frowned. ‘But I …’
‘No. I know what you’re like, Jess. If you’ve made up your mind, I’m not going to try to change it. But just for the record? I’ve always found life to be nothing but a series of mistakes,’ Vivi said, folding her arms. ‘Some of them reveal themselves immediately, like my not checking my footing when I fell down the stairs and messed up my hip. And sometimes they’re uncovered in slow motion – like electing the wrong political party into government. Some mistakes are so tiny we never even notice them, some so huge they swamp everything. Maybe youaremaking a mistake, but are you sure the mistake isn’t deciding to run this time?’
‘But how are you supposed toknow?’ Jess said, exasperated by her aunt’s words.
Vivi stifled a laugh. ‘That’s the whole point. You don’t. On my wedding day, I was convinced I was making the worst mistake of my life. I only went through with it because we’d hired the dress and the pub had made the sandwiches. As it turned out, it was a mistake which lasted twenty-five years and only ended because the bugger died on me. And I don’t mean literallyonme, à la the previous earl, before you forget your anguish and go all sarcastic on me.’
‘But you loved Trevor.’
‘Yes. Very much. Didn’t make deciding to throw my lot in with him and give up my freedom any less daunting. And throughout our marriage we made plenty of mistakes; plenty of decisions went awry. On the grand stage of life, sooner or later, everything we decide to do is called into question. Because nothing suits us perfectly forever – everything becomes something we consider as a possible error, sooner or later. The real question is not “have I made a mistake”, but rather “is this mistake big enough to make me change direction or am I staying put and seeing it through”.’
‘What are you saying?’
Vivi rolled her eyes. ‘Can I be any clearer? I’m saying don’t run away on the off chance something might not work out perfectly. Because if everyone did that, nothing would ever happen. I understand why, Jess. I know you’ve put a brave face on so many aspects of your life already, but don’t throw this away on a maybe. Because if you’re looking to share your life with someone who is never going to get anything wrong, you’ll be a long time looking. Point out to me a man who has never said or done the wrong thing, and I’ll point out that he’s probably stood at the end of a rainbow, with his feet in a pot of gold. They don’t exist.’
