Lysander drew in a breath, then nodded. ‘Let’s see how things pan out with you and my sister, shall we?’ He tracked Gull as he left the room.
Once the door closed behind Gull, Lysander switched his focus onto Clara.
‘Hey there,’ he said, the tone of his voice softer than Rose had ever heard from him. He rounded the bed and settled in the chair Tom had just left.
‘Lysander?’ Clara blinked repeatedly as she looked at him. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Darling Clara, why didn’t you tell anyone how you were feeling?’ He took her hand, clasping it in his and bending down to kiss it. ‘If Tania hadn’t found you in time …’ He shook his head. ‘The thought of it is unconscionable.’
‘That’s a big word, Lysander,’ Clara said, her voice little more than a croak.
He huffed a gentle laugh. ‘Talk to me, you crazy minx. Tell me what you were thinking.’
Rose slipped from the edge of the bed and came to rest beside him. She put a hand on his shoulder. ‘I’ll leave you two to talk,’ she said. ‘I’ll be back in a bit.’
Tania had almost stopped shivering by the time there was a gentle knock on her door.
‘Come in,’ she said, holding her breath as best she could between shivers as she waited to see who would enter her room.
‘You’re still here,’ she said.
‘I’m still here,’ Gull said. ‘I wanted to wait until I knew Clara was OK. She just woke up.’
‘Oh, thank God.’ The shivers were back, but she pulled the covers from her body and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.
‘Where are you going?’ he said.
She frowned. ‘To see Clara, of course.’ She stood, inhaling a sharp breath at the piercing pain in her hip and knee. Sinking back onto the edge of the bed, she clutched at the fabric with her fingers as the pain edged away.
‘How are you feeling?’ he said.
‘I’m fine.’ She had to force the words out from between gritted teeth.
An eyebrow arched. ‘How are you really feeling?’
Did Gull really want to know how she was feeling? Tania wasn’t sure she fully knew herself.
Frustrated was the first word that fluttered into focus in her brain. The conversation she’d just had with Lysander, after his sudden outpouring in the boot room had left her head swimming. On top of everything that was happening with Clara, Lysander had chosen this moment to decide his life was out of control. Ironic, really– Tania had known it for the last few years. Not that Lysander had wanted to hear her. Not that she’d tried all that hard to tell him either, truth be told. Watching the way Lysander lived his life was a little like watching a train derailing, but in slow motion. Everyone knew it was all going to go horribly wrong, but there was absolutely nothing anyone could do to stop it. And now the carriages had finished piling into the soft earth and he was finally ready to lay bare the full extent of his problems and turn to her for help, was just when Tania already had more than enough on her plate with Clara.
Did Gull really want to know how she was feeling?
Because she was also confused, and more than a little angry. She’d come fingertip-close to a meaningful relationship with a man– with him. Something had unlocked deep inside her, like a flower finally deciding to come into bloom. She’d begun to imagine a different kind of a life, only to have the rug pulled out from underneath her. Maybe that was unfair, maybe she’d tugged at the rug herself without even realising when she allowed Rory to seduce her all those months ago. And after everything, after being uncomfortably honest– more honest than she’d ever been before, especially with a man– that man had decided he couldn’t continue, couldn’t countenance remaining close to her. Wanted nothing more than to get away from her. And yet here he was, still able to act with such civility.
She wanted to shout at him, throw things. Beg him to reconsider. She’d begun to feel as though he might be the person with whom she could properly explore her feelings. But now they were both behaving like polite strangers again, and she was battling to pack those feelings away. The box in which they’d previously fitted now seemed far too small.
If Gull really wanted to know how she was feeling, then, despite everything else, the only emotion Tania was aware of which was worth a damn, right at this moment, was sadness. Clara had tried to take her own life. Clara was so unhappy that she’d actually tried to end it all. And Tania had allowed it to happen. Sadness muffled everything else, pushed every other emotion and sensation aside as it settled like a heavy blanket.
Tania decided to misinterpret Gull’s question. Or perhaps it wasn’t a misinterpretation. Perhaps he really was asking after nothing more than her physical well-being. Either way, it was a far easier question to answer.
‘My hip’s sore. Plus, it feels like someone is jabbing my toes with needles, but apparently that’s a good thing. It’s also an irrelevance. How is she?’
‘She’s asking for Mike and Poppy.’
‘I suppose she is.’ Tania fiddled with the edge of the padded throw, unable to stop the slump in her shoulders. ‘I thought it would help her, to come to the mountains. Not make things worse.’
‘Why do you think it made things worse?’ Gull edged onto the bed, reaching across to take one of her hands in his.
‘Because she just tried to kill herself,’ she said, an incredulous tone slipping into her voice.
