‘I don’t know …’ she says slowly.
Oh you do, but you don’t want to say it out loud yet,Rose thinks. Co-dependency.
They can move on.
There’s a magic about this part of the process.
Rose loves it.
It’s when people become aware that they are not able to control anything but themselves.
Rose decides the silence has gone on long enough.
‘Elephants have little passengers,’ she says. ‘A white bird called the egret. The egret sits on the elephant or flies behind it and eats the insects that the elephant stirs up when it walks. Can the elephant exist without the egret? Yes. Can the egret make the elephant do anything it wants the elephant to do? No.’
Pausing to see how everyone is taking this fable, Rose carries on.
‘Humans are not like egrets and elephants but when we try to make people feel a certain way, we are just like the egret on the elephant’s back. Powerless.’
She hands out six pieces of notebook paper and six pencils.
‘I want you each to write down who you try to control. It can be that you try to make them happy by doing exactly what they want. It could be that you try to adhere to their rules or control them to make your life easier. It could be that you enable their bad behaviour as a way to stop them leaving you. You don’t have to share these names – just list them for your own benefit. Be ruthlessly honest.’
She goes over to pour some water from the jug of iced lemon water on the buffet table and gives the participants some time.
So far, she knows that Dan feels responsible for Julia to the extent that they’re in a co-dependent relationship. He truly believes he can control whether she takes drugs, drinks or overdoses.
Keera’s mother lives her life vicariously through her daughter but now Keera has broken free. Going to rehab when her mother didn’t want her to was a huge first step.
Dianne needs to be prodded. Rose has an idea about Dianne’s anger but she needs some confirmation. Dianne’s anger is a barrier she hides behind.
‘Does anyone have any questions?’ Rose asks.
‘Why is this all so painful?’ asks Dan.
‘You have to go through the pain to get to the other side,’ offers Keera.
It’s dusk when the whole group slowly makes their way down to the beach for evening meditation. A light breeze floats in from the sea but the women are still bare-armed, with Grazia carrying a light wrap.
Dan, India and Keera are walking together when Keera’s phone rings and she looks at it doubtfully.
Dr Bobbiflashes on the call screen. For a brief second, Keera wonders why she’s never putMomon the phone. Perhaps because her mother is Dr Bobbi, manager first and mother second.
‘Hi,’ says Keera hesitantly, holding back and gesturing to India and Dan to go on without her.
She should have left her phone in her room but having it with her is a habit. Keera’s tired of breaking habits.
‘Where the heck are you?’ shrieks her mother as soon as Keera answers. ‘I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days!’
‘You can’t have tried very hard because this is the first time you’ve called me,’ Keera replies, feeling the familiar sting.
‘Rude!’ shrieks her mother. ‘I was trying to give you space. But you just vanished. So I asked Taniqua, then Luka, because you never tell me anything any more.’ Her mother’s outrage is plain. ‘I even rang that rehab place in case you’d gone back for some reason and nobody ever answers their cell there. Goddamn idiots. When they do, nobody will tell me anything!’
Dr Bobbi’s voice is getting more high pitched, a sure sign she’s heading for a full-blown shouting session.
Keera can feel her body reacting of its own accord: all her muscles tense, her shoulders tighten and her stomach clenches.
‘I didn’t tell Taniqua where I was going,’ says Keera, determined not to get her friend in trouble. ‘The rehab placecan’t tell you because they don’t know and besides they are bound by confidentiality. Remember that?’
