‘The problem’s not actually me – it’s my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. We’ve been together for many years but we’re on a break. She … she tried to kill herself.’
As he speaks, there is a collective inhalation of breath.
Rose, on the other hand, breathes out.
Dan has taken the first step.
Every eye is locked on Dan now but he’s looking at Rose.
You’re sorry you’re here but you’ll continue, she thinks.
Unless they walk out, the guests have no other option than to talk.
‘This is very personal stuff, I’ve never told other peoplebefore …’ Dan says, his body language saying he’s wracked with discomfort.
‘What happens in group, stays in group, Dan,’ Rose says. ‘Nobody’s going to be broadcasting what you’re saying. Everyone who’s here has signed agreements to that effect. This is a safe space to share your pain.’
He nods. Appears to be trying to prepare himself for a great ordeal.
‘It’s the second time she’s tried to kill herself. Julia …’ He pauses. ‘That’s her name … The first time probably was a mistake,’ he explains, ‘although her cousin says we can’t know that. Then, Julia was partying heavily and there were drugs around …’ He gives a little weary smile but nobody’s smiling back.
‘But this last time was serious. My sister wanted me to come here,’ Dan goes on. ‘I didn’t want to come. I’ve done everything for Julia. Everything. Why amIhere?’
Nobody says a thing.
‘Attempted suicide is incredibly traumatic not just for the person involved but for the people close to them. It’s life-changing. Realising that someone you love thinks suicide is an option makes a person question everything about their relationship,’ says Rose.
She needs to go slowly.
‘Let’s take a step back from Julia’s actions for a moment, Dan. We’re here for you. You’ve said you do everything for Julia. Tell us what you do for her?’ she asks him.
Dan shrugs as if he does so much, it’s impossible to explain.
‘Everything,’ he repeats. ‘She relies on me. Used to say she couldn’t live without me, but we’re not together any more …’
Nobody says anything and Dan looks off into the distance.
‘She wanted a break, you see,’ he continues. ‘But I loveher. I’m the person who picks up all the pieces. That’s what you do when you love someone, isn’t it?’
Rose nods.
‘Can you tell me about this suicide attempt?’
She looks at Dan with huge sympathy and, this time, he stares straight at her.
‘Why do I have to go first?’ he asks mulishly, as if this thought has just occurred to him.
‘Because I asked you,’ says Rose gently, deciding that honey does get more results than vinegar. ‘I know that as a scientist, you’re used to presenting to an audience.’
Dan says nothing.
The silence on the terrace is broken by the singing of birds and the sound of cicadas sawing their tiny legs together.
Rose keeps her smile and continues: ‘You’re all here for a reason, and hiding from it is totally understandable, particularly when it’s as painful as your story, Dan. But you’ve made it all the way here. If you give yourself to this programme, who knows what you’ll get from it. Dan, you say you don’t think that you need to be here. Why is that?’ she asks.
‘Because it’s not my fault!’ he replies.
Rose leans forward, nodding. ‘Go on,’ she urges.
