She doesn’t want to write anything new, which is startling.
She’s written down stuff for years and never took stock of any of it.
All the guys, and the plans she made for the same guys, and it transpires that she never realised what she was doing.
She was building castles in the sky without any foundation.
Crying about not having a child but then doing nothing about it. Why not? She doesn’t actually need a man in order to have a child.
She could use a fertility clinic, get donor sperm.
Without thinking, she finds she’s drawn a very childish version of a sperm swimming with its little wiggly tail.
She gets out her stickers and puts little stars and rainbows beside it.
Imagines herself pregnant, pregnant on her own and fully, joyfully in charge of her own life.
India stops doodling and thinks about this.
First, she’d need a proper job.
What is she good at?
Clothes. That’s what.
Rose said that India’s clothes are art, that she dresses with artistry.
That’swhat she’s good at.
But how to monetise it?
How to move on with her life, without relying on a man …
Georgie, hello! How are you, darling? And Dad? The retreat’s been interesting! I’ve met some amazing people and a fabulous new friend, Keera.
I’m messaging because I want your advice. Business advice.
I’d like to start a business selling vintage clothes. I know, everyone and their lawyer does it and I don’t want this to be a nepo-thing where you and Dad set me up and help if I lose money. No! Definitely not! But I’m good at buying stuff and selling it on. What I was thinking of was …
India pauses. If she says this, it’s out there. There’s no turning back.
… going to college to do a one- or two-year business course. Is that a good plan?
Love you, see you soon!! xxx
The previous night, Rose had dreamed aboutThe Talisman Effect: how it started and how everything went slowly wrong.
She finds scent incredibly redolent and, now, a trio of scents floods her senses.
The grapefruit stuff that the hair stylist used every day before filming and that lingered in her hair when she went over to Theo’s house, the scent of whatever he was cooking, the rough tang of the sea when they walked on the beach after dinner.
‘You can’t practise proper therapy but you can teach people something,’ said Theo when the TV show was first mooted after six months of Rose appearing on the breakfast show. ‘Just be careful, Rose. We treat enough people in the movie and TV business: it can be a very cruel world. The producers of your show want great TV and don’t care about great therapy.’
‘I know,’ said Rose.
But she hadn’t really known.
The TV show meant she had to rapidly break out of the sort of formal therapy that Theo still practised and into the area of a quick-fix approach.
