‘Yeah, but look where it brought me,’ says Keera. ‘I can’t be in a music job and stay sober. Not now anyway.’
‘You could if you wanted to,’ her mother says, wheedling.
She’s very drunk, Keera realises belatedly. Once, she’d have been matching her mother drink for drink, so she knew if Bobbi had had too much. But now, her awareness of drunk people is awry.
Unless they actually fall off stools, she can’t see how advanced it is.
Bobbi must be drunk if she’s using her wheedling voice.
‘Mom, this dream is over,’ says Keera. ‘Really over and you have to accept that. I’m out of the music business. You need to get a job.’
‘What? You really mean that?’ Bobbi has shades of the girl fromThe Exorcistin her voice now. ‘I can’t believe how ungrateful you are! After all I’ve done for you—’
Keera hates to be even sharing the bench with this version of her mother.
‘You didn’t do it for me, Mom, you did it for yourself,’ she says bluntly. ‘It was fabulous but it was your dream. Always your dream.’
‘You liar!’ shrieks Bobbi. ‘Who wanted that role in the Disney show?Watch me practise one more time, Mommy …’
‘I was eleven years old!Eleven-year-olds don’t really know what they want. Of course I wanted it:youwanted it and I wanted to make you happy! That’s what kids do.’
‘Liar,’ shouts her mother again.
Keera stands up, the glittering view behind her, and faces her mother.
‘I’m not your slave, Mom. I’m your daughter and my career – orour career,as you call it – nearly broke me. I became an addict. Not saying that’s your fault – nobody made me do it, but drugs and alcohol nearly destroyed me.’
Keera feels tearful as she says this but it’s all true. She’s heard people talk about recovery in terms of how many recoveries they have in them. Most people say they get one recovery and don’t want to risk going back to drinking or using.
She’d hoped her mom would understand that but she doesn’t: it was a silly hope, really.
‘I’ll talk to you when you’re sober,’ Keera says and speeds down the stone steps, knowing her mother’s sandals are off and that she’ll never be able to follow as quickly.
Perhaps she was mad to think there might be a resolution with her mother. Just because Keera’s changed, doesn’t mean anyone else has.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
India’s tried to meditate back down on the beach but she simply can’t.
Her mind is buzzing, so she’s put her headphones on and is listening to Lana Del Rey singing about heartbreak.
Emptying her mind is impossible. Eventually, she gets up from her seated position and begins to collect pretty stones and shells.
All the while, her inner voice is shouting at her:You idiot, you should never have slept with Dan. He doesn’t care for you, he’s shown that. He rang his girlfriend to confess. He was ashamed, yesashamed.
She goes back to her room without checking in reception to see if Dan has shown up.
It’s not her business any more.
She doesn’t hate him. But she hates how he’s made her feel.
In her room, she examines the notebook Rose left
for them.
India hadn’t written anything in it at first.
India sits, opens Rose’s notebook and breathes deeply.
