‘Read the room, Dan,’ says Keera crossly.
Dan slumps. India leans over and kisses him on the cheek.
‘Baby steps, Dan,’ she says. ‘Baby steps.’
Rose gets to her feet and leads Dianne away.
Where can they go, Rose wonders wearily. Not her bedroom but then not Dianne’s either.
They walk inside, Dianne following meekly, and Rose catches sight of Adriana striding down the corridor.
‘Adriana!’ she calls and explains the situation.
Adriana’s lovely face is creased with worry for her sister.
‘The third therapy room in the spa is free. It has a couch too. Are you OK to do this?’ she adds in a whisper.
Rose nods. ‘It’s going to be fine,’ she says and then realises she’s lying to her sister again.
She knows Dianne’s secrets since she found the notebook again. Dianne couldn’t help writing in it and then, in an act of self-sabotage, she threw it out the window again.
Adriana brings them homemade lemonade and a pot of Magic Tea which is Rose’s favourite from the tea shop in Xanthe.
Dianne sits on the couch with her glass of lemonade but doesn’t drink.
‘That tea smells vile,’ she says.
‘Yeah, but it works,’ Rose says. She pours a little out to see if it’s brewed yet. ‘I found your notebook, by the way,’ she adds.
Dianne nods.
‘I hoped you would. I didn’t know if I could tell you it all – I thought it might break me, to be honest.’
‘It won’t break you,’ Rose says calmly. ‘We have all the time in the world to talk, Dianne.’
Chapter Thirty-Two
Dianne is not wearing one of her tennis shirts today: instead, she wears a white singlet that emphasises how small-boned she is, how delicate her wrists are, the fine line of a scar on her right shoulder.
Her silvery hair is not bouncy today, her pale-grey eyes are unlined with the 1980s liner she favours, instead she’s presenting a naked face to the world.
‘I should have known what was happening from the very start,’ she says slowly. ‘It’s totally my fault. I put the children through it all.’
‘They don’t know it all, though, do they? Even now. You shielded them,’ Rose says.
Dianne half-nods. ‘I shielded them as much as I could but it wasn’t enough, Rose. That kills me. I hate myself for that and I still can’t see where they’re damaged but they must be, right?’
‘Children just need one good parent,’ Rose reminds her.
Dianne nods. For the first time on the retreat, she seems to lose her aura of control. It slips out almost physically.
Rose can see Dianne’s shoulders drop, her hands loosen.
‘I wrote it down because I didn’t think anyone could understand truly if they haven’t gone through this.’
‘Try me,’ says Rose evenly. ‘Say what is inside, tell me.’
Dianne fiddles with her watch.
