By mid-afternoon, we find signs of another camp. He places his hand in the ashes and announces they are cold. He says the camp was used by Edilk and Sabine as he gives me a knowing look. There’s at least one other mated couple. I wonder if Sabine is struggling with the bond and what it means, the way I am.
I am unaffected by the need, yet with each passing hour, it feels as though he is becoming more integral to my being. I don’t know if that’s because I’m falling for him because we survived, or because of the bond. Perhaps it doesn’t matter as I have never felt so free in my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do, or what my future holds, but it’s wide open, and that’s exciting and terrifying.
“Are we going to stop here and make use of that shelter?” I ask. We ate well last night, and we ate some fruit on the walk. But my stomach is grumbling, and it is not easy to cook when constantly moving. The shelter already being here means we don’t have to spend the time, or energy making one. “I can grab firewood if you want to hunt and then we can watch the stars while it cooks?”
His markings are almost back again. No more illumination and I’m half expecting him to pull the way now that he doesn’t need me. I don’t want that to happen.
For a few heartbeats, he seems torn. His gaze drifts in the direction that we’ve been walking. Then he shakes his head and I think he’s going to tell me that we have to keep going in which case I will agree, and we will press on.
“I can’t sense them, so they’re more than half a day’s walk ahead of us.” He sighs. “I am happy to rest for the night, if that is what you want.”
“I’d like to wash my hair in the river.” I also want to wash all of my clothes, but I have nothing to change into, and we have no blankets to wrap up in.
He rubs his hand over his beard and nods. “Very well, we will make use of Edilk’s camp. But tomorrow we should move a little faster.”
“You’re worried they will sail without us?”
He shakes his head. “I have been with Edilk’s tribe of banished for all but my first three months. I have forgotten how difficult it is to survive alone.”
“But you aren’t alone.” Unless he’s trying to say that I’m completely useless. I’m trying to help, but unlike him, I can’t hunt by making my own electricity. I need a weapon, and I don’t know what makes good eating around here. He pointed out various plants while we were walking and sometimes grab some, but I’m not sure I’d recognize them on my own and I don’t want to kill us.
He takes my hands. “I know I’m not alone and for that I am glad, but taking care of a mate alone also weighs on me. If I were on my own and something were to happen, it would not matter. But if something happens to me, then you are on your own.” He rubs his thumb over my lip. “With your little teeth, and no claws, and no charge, you would be eaten within a day.”
I glare at him. “Thanks for that resounding vote of confidence.” Even though what he said was the truth, I don’t want to be viewed as a burden. “I’m trying to help.”
“And I appreciate your help. I also enjoy talking to you and getting to know you and your colony, and even the world that you have never seen.”
And in return, he has told me about the tribe he grew up in. About his father’s trade as a leather worker. Aldit knows how to make shoes. That seems like a very valuable skill to a banished tribe. Of course, that means having the time and tools to treat the leather and make it suitable for working with. Something they don’t have, because they are always moving, not wanting to be caught by other tribes or other burnished. They have survived by avoiding fights, except for the one where they stole the ship.
The more I learn about them, the less I see them as the barbarians I thought they were. There’s so much the human colony could learn about this world from them.
We can’t take Earth ways and translate them here. It’s too different and we depend too much on our technology, which when it breaks, we have no way to recreate. While some people learned old crafts, I doubt they know them as well as the Honey.
I also don’t think the leaders want to listen. If they did, they would already be reviewing the plans made on Earth and making changes. They aren’t. Because that would mean that they are wrong, and that will never happen.
* * *
“We should be able to see the ship soon,” Aldit announces after another couple of days of walking.
We quicken our pace. I’m excited to see the other women again. I want to talk to Sabine and see how it’s going with Edilk. I’m also relieved to know I’m not the only one who tripped and landed on alien dick, but as we draw closer to the mouth of the river, Aldit becomes silent and withdrawn.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t sense them. If they were there, I should be able to.”
“That means they’ve left without us?” My stomach clenches and I feel sick. “What are we going to do?” We can’t exist on our own. While we’ve managed so far, it’s not been easy. And on our own will never be able to do more than hunt and exist. However, I can’t drag him back to the colony. “Will they have really left us behind? We haven’t been gone that long?”
He shakes his head, and I can tell from his expression that he is searching using his kam.
I never thought they’d leave us. I thought our biggest problem was going to be what to tell them, if anything. He doesn’t want to lie to his brothers, but I’m not ready to say that I chose him, even though I’ve enjoyed these last few days without survival, pressing on our throats. Without his rut, demanding attention, we have found an easy pattern. During the day he forages, and we eat as we walk. When we stop for the night, I find firewood, and he hunts. When he returns, he lights the fire and prepares the meat. We make a small shelter together and enjoy the wait while dinner is cooking.
Now, there is no laughter or casual walk. He grabs my hand, and we move swiftly towards the mouth of the river where the ship should be.
There’s no ship.
I bite my lip and try to stay calm, but my eyes prickle. After everything that we’ve survived, I don’t want to believe that this is it.
We walk down the slope. It’s clear they were here. There are logs around a dead fire. Aldit touches the ashes, then digs his hand deeper. “It’s cold.”
