She could have refused me on the shore, but she didn’t. From the heat in her eyes, she wanted me, and this time it had nothing to do with survival.
I catch dinner and prepare the beast well away from our pathetic little camp. When I return, she has washed my shirt, her underwear and the small shirt she wears underneath her long sleeve shirt, and they are hanging up near the fire.
She has the little healer kit out and is studying the supplies. “I need to check your shoulder. I should’ve done it sooner, but we were a little distracted.”
I put the meat over the fire so it can begin cooking. “It feels okay.”
“I don’t want you dying.”
That might solve a few problems, and I’m sure she could make it to the ship on her own from here. But I do not want to die, and she is right, the wound needs checked. I sit with my back to her and stare at the flames. I watch the way they dance as fat from the meat drips onto them.
Ruby peels off the bandage and pours water over the wound. I flinch.
“Sorry. It’s not looking too bad, but it should be stitched. I’m going to tear up my undershirt to make a fresh bandage when it dries. I’ll also pour a bit more of the sealer on because it’s bleeding again.”
“No pus?” That is my main concern.
“No.”
That is better than I had hoped for. Her fingers brush over my skin, so instead of pulling away, I remain sitting there. Caught in the trap of my own making. If I hadn’t accepted her offer up the mountain, we wouldn’t be in this mess.
If she hadn’t made the offer…
“How do Honey women choose?” Her voice interrupts my thoughts.
I scowl at the flames. “There is a ceremony in front of the tribe. You do not need to choose me out of obligation.”
“And you do not need to beat yourself up for something that was an accident.”
That she is right doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. “I should’ve known better than to be with a woman who hadn’t chosen me.”
“I wanted to sleep with you. I needed to feel alive in case we died.”
That is what I wanted, too. I wanted her. Maybe my body knew what would happen and if I’d been paying attention, I’d have realized before I crossed that line.
She’s still touching me, as if she wants to and I am frozen in place because I do not want to break the moment.
“You said relationships form over time, before the official choosing.”
I nod.
“I’ve had days to get to know you and we did not meet under the best of circumstances.”
I twist around to look at her. “What are you trying to tell me?”
“That I like you. You gave me the space to figure out what I don’t want.”
I glare at her, not sure what is running through her head, or if the whisperer in my ear is even translating her words correctly.
Her hand stills on my lower back. “I’m asking you for the space to figure out what Idowant.”
All I hear is that she doesn’t want me. I go to stand, but she grabs my arm. Her fingers dig in and there is that spark in her eyes. The reminder that she isn’t only a woman, but also a fighter, a warrior, and that I must respect that.
“I do not feel the bond the way you do. That does not mean I do not want you. Or that I do not enjoy spending time with you. But if you force me to say the words before I am ready, you are no better than the men of the colony who sought to control my life.”
I hold her gaze, understanding her fear. “I do not want to be like the men of your people. Nor do I want you to choose me because you feel obliged.” I echo my earlier words because I mean them. “I am not a duty.” I do not believe she is reluctant to sleep with me or doing so out of survival. Not anymore, anyway. “But I do not know where I stand, or what to tell my brothers, as I do not want to be banished a second time for breaking the rules.”
Her lips part as if she now understands my situation. Her grip on my arm eases. “I like you. I like having sex with you.” Her lips curve, revealing her teeth, which I have learned means she is happy, not angry. “You will no longer be glowing by the time we reach the others, so you do not need to tell them anything.”
