Or have I always been a dissenter in denial?
Is this lack of freewill, and choice, and the gender imbalance that they have been talking about the whole time? Did I refuse to listen because if I did, I’d join them?
I thought them selfish because that’s what I was told to think.
My entire life I’ve been told how to act, how to think, how to be of use.
Meanwhile, I’ve known Aldit for a couple of days and all he has done is ask what I want. Sure, he questioned why, but that is fair enough.
A part of me wishes I hadn’t run, but if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized these things about myself. Perhaps he is right about that, too. Everyone needs to find themselves and for some, it is harder than others.
My fingers touch something that isn’t a rock. I glance at my hand and see roots. I’ve done it.
No, not until I’m sitting under the tree. I’m crawling on all fours with my ass in the air. Then I’m level with the crack, which is filled with more roots. The next thing I know, I’m crawling on flat ground. Or at least it feels flat. There’s more than one tree, and there're all kinds of plants. More importantly, I can hear water.
“There’s water.” I keep crawling, as if I don’t trust myself not to slide away. On three sides, there are more rock walls. This is a tiny patch of life. An oasis.
I lie on my back and stare up at the red painted sky. Already a few of the stars are already visible.
I’m alive and there is water.
Aldit crawls up next to me. He lies on his good shoulder, facing me. “This is so much more than I hoped for when we started climbing.”
“Same.” I expected one tree with deep roots. Instead, it’s beautiful. “Low expectations mean I can’t be disappointed.”
“You have low expectations of me?”
Considering he kidnapped me; they couldn’t be much lower. Since then I’ve gotten to know him…even like him. Not that I’m about to admit that. “You haven’t disappointed me yet.”
He laughs and sits up. “I have no idea what to expect.”
Does he mean from this place, or is he already thinking of what I said in part to motivate us both to climb? I sit up too, wrapping my arms around my knees. My hands sting from the many cuts. We made it, and we should celebrate that. We get to live another night and if that’s all we have, I want to make the most of it. “Let’s find that water before it gets dark.”
He lifts his hand and his markings on that arm illuminate. He offers me his other hand. “Come on.”
I let him pull me up. His skin is warm against mine. For several heartbeats, we both stand there, staring at each other. My pulse is heavy and for a moment, it’s hard to swallow.
His lips curve. “Water and food, first. We have all night.”
We do, and I don’t want to think about tomorrow.
I want to enjoy being alive now.
12
ALDIT
My shoulder is burning, and I’m sure I ripped it open on the climb. My claws are ragged, and I am exhausted. The three little cloud-seekers I caught earlier in the day are not enough, even if I eat them all.
Yet they will have to be.
Tomorrow, I will hunt so we can feast.
Tonight, I am hoping she keeps her word. I believe she will. She does not strike me as a liar. I understand her fear when first taken and her burning need to escape. That she realized running back to the familiar is not the same as returning home, is a good thing.
One all banished must reach.
Every one of us longed to go home at some point because that was all we knew. Joining Edilk’s banished tribe has made my life easier, and not only because survival tasks are shared. Having people to talk to, to laugh with, and share a blanket with, matter.
