She stares up at me. “I should mind, but we are in this together and it’s my fault and—”
“I don’t want sex out of guilt. You either choose to lie with me because you want to or not at all.” I considered her for a couple of heartbeats. “Is that normal for your people?”
“Sometimes. Not for you, I’m guessing?”
I shake my head. “The closest would be the loss of a bet between unmated warriors. That is obligation, not guilt.”
“What about curiosity, and not wanting to die alone?”
“That is different. That is part of companionship between banished warriors. No one wants to die alone.” While I don’t want to die, it is comforting to know that I will not be alone and that someone to share it with me. “You are a warrior of your people, and I would offer to share my blanket with you, but I do not have one.”
My meq throbs at the idea of sharing a blanket with her, even if it is the last thing I do.
Her gaze narrows. “So two warriors celebrating reaching the tree and water? That is acceptable?”
I do not know if she wants me, or if anyone would do. And I am not sure either. The idea of water and a fuck is very tempting. If I were with one of my banished brothers, I would agree without deliberating.
“That is.” Is seems like a simple negotiation, the kind I have made many times before.
But it feels different. Because she isn’t Honey, or because Ruby is a woman?
11
RUBY
Imade the deal with him, but that doesn’t stop the doubts and fears from chewing at my thoughts, trying to distract me from finding the right toehold or finger grip. I can’t decide if it’s a climb or a crawl up a steep slope. Maybe it’s a bit of both.
The sun has moved past the top of the mountain, casting this face in shadow and chilling air. I’m sweating and my arms are tiring. Aldit is following.
We argued about that too.
He wanted to go first in case there was a screamer up there. I pointed out that if there was, I was fucked anyway, so it doesn’t matter. Even though he called me a warrior, he is still trying to protect me. There must be some furious debate going on in his head, too.
Is he trying to justify sleeping with me?
Do I need to justify sleeping with him? Who is going to question me? Who is going to care? No one unless we make it back to his ship.
And even then, I’m not sure who would argue that it was a dumb thing to do. I press my body against the rocks. They are warm from the sun earlier in the day and catch my breath. I’m almost there.
From the way Sabine looked at the guy who seemed to be the alien leader, I’ll be very surprised if they aren’t already testing out human-alien compatibility. I glimpsed his junk when he pissed in the glove, and I’m hoping he’s not a grower because that thing was proportionate to the rest of him. Big.
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah.” I don’t turn my head to look at him. “Just getting ready for the last push.”
“Try to keep going. It hurts more when you stop and need to resume.”
My fingers are cramping, and I really don’t want to slide down. The tree roots are about four yards across and four yards up. The slope is becoming less steep the higher we go. I can do this.
I need to do this.
And when I reach the top?
If there’s no water, I’ll fucking drink his cum to wet my throat. I can’t offer him the same relief.
Bits of rock break away as I climb. The change in grade is making it more awkward, but at least I’m less likely to slip all the way down.
I’m sure the colony leaders would say something about my refusal to return. Would I have kept going if not for the screamers?
