Something the people of the colony haven’t realized yet as they follow the rules someone on Earth created with no understanding of the way the colony would work when we arrived. Or how the inhabitants feel about rules made on a planet they’d never seen.
My home was the ship. My parents having decided that anything was better than Earth. And perhaps they were right, but this isn’t the future they’d imagined for me.
It’s not one I could’ve imagined for myself.
Maybe it’s the same for Vari. He never expected a mate, or for that mate to be open to him keeping his attachment.
“Yet we will not be out here forever.”
“You want to cross the sea.” In that tiny little ship. I really need to learn how to swim before that happens.
“Yes…”
Then we will be far from the human colony. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
He inclines his head. “Though I never expected to return to my tribe. Perhaps that has not changed.”
I glance at him. Is that a hint that he is at least thinking about alternatives? I sigh. “So what do we do now?”
“You’ve never had pleasure with anyone? Not even other women?”
My eyebrows lift. “I’ve slept with human men.”
For a culture that seems to be okay with same-sex relationships, there seems to be a few odd lines drawn around them. It’s fine to have attachments…but they aren’t permanent because finding a mate is more important. Even for a fourth son.
He frowns. “So you know what to do with a man?”
“With a human man.” Sabine said they aren’t that different. Bigger and with bumpy dicks. And that they’ll do anything to keep their mate happy because losing them causes mental and physical anguish. “I don’t know howweshould begin.”
“We don’t need to do anything tonight.”
“But the others—”
“Will leave us alone. We can take our time.”
If my anxiety about choosing hadn’t been so high, I might feel more like sex. Or if he wanted me…
Vari lifts his hand and brushes a hair off my face. “We are not the same, and it will take time for us to find common ground.”
I bite back on a laugh. “I think that’s Orik.”
His hand falls away. “He will move past the attachment.”
“He doesn’t need to. And I don’t like to see him hurting.”
Will Vari move past it? Or will a part of Vari always be watching Orik? Will I always be watching Orik and wondering if I should’ve chosen him? We talk and laugh so easily…but if his gaze slid to Vari then I might feel like the second choice and come to resent him.
“I feel as though you have chosen the wrong man to make your bed.”
“I’m sorry, that’s not…” I close my eyes for a moment to gather my thoughts, then I take his hand, wanting him to understand. “I had hoped to have longer. That I wasn’t choosing to stop the fighting. That over time we could see if it the three of us got on, before I chose.”
Because if they had each other, then they didn’t need me, but I gained the protection of having mates. I’d be safe, even though everything around me is unsafe, and I wouldn’t be alone.
His expression softens. “You are too much like him.” He pulls me into his arms, and I don’t resist. “He was lost and alone when I found him.”
“And almost dead.”
“And almost dead,” he agrees. He presses a kiss to my temple.
