Since being banished, I have always had Vari.
Now I am adrift, and I don’t know how to exist.
Or if I even want to exist.
This is how the others must have struggled and ached while Vari shielded me from most of the pain of being banished by making me feel as though I had someone. I wish we had never found the women.
But if we hadn’t, they might be dead.
And I do not want to deny Edilk and Sunif the happiness they have found.
So I sit and I watch as my guts knot and coil and threaten to choke me. When my eyes grow hot, I stalk away. I need to do something, so I do not return to the camp empty-handed as well as empty hearted.
9
BRIDGET
Iwarm up and dry off by the fire. Tiril’s clothes are huge on me, and I’m not what would be considered short. Even with a rope made of grasses as a belt, the pants need to be rolled up three times, and the shirt hangs almost to my knees.
My own clothes are spread out to dry over some big rocks. They may not be as clean as they would’ve been on the ship, but at least they aren’t sweaty.
Sabine hands me a cup of tea that smells sweetish and has small petals floating on the surface. “Feel better now you’re clean?”
“Yeah.” I know what she’s about to ask. “I’m going to talk to the other guys before I do anything.”
She nods. “What about Orik?”
“Vari broke up with him. He thinks I should pick Orik.”
“I thought you were going to,” Mia says.
“He has a boyfriend. Had a boyfriend.” That’s not what they call it, but that’s what they were.
“And now he doesn’t, so why don’t you choose him?” She presses.
“Because there’s a lot to weigh.” And so many variables. Some of which I’m sure I haven’t discovered. Vari and Orik may get back together if I don’t pick either of them. So I need to find out what Yva and Hrad are like. “Where did the others go?”
“To hunt…and talk…and give everyone some space.” Sabine tilts her head toward the coast.
So they went for a beach walk. I glance at Sabine and then Mia. “And how are you two going?”
Do they regret their choices, or is it too soon? Should we have fought harder to go home? Though how? We were all in shock after the screamer attack, and then we were lost.
By the time we were ready to act, the colony no longer wanted us.
Sabine smiles. “Good. I don’t know what’s going to happen when we head back to their lands. I don’t want us to split up and end up in different tribes.”
“Same,” Mia adds. “That’s what I’m worried about.”
“Sunif is behaving himself now?”
Her cheeks redden. “Yes. He will be back soon. This early in the mating they like to…er…mate a lot.”
I sip the tea and watch Vari as he works on mending what appears to be a net. He’s not sitting with us, but he’s close enough that should something happen, he can protect us. His pants are off and drying near him, and his bare legs are stretched out in front. His shirt is just long enough to cover his junk.
His fingers move nimbly as he works, and he appears to be absorbed in the task. His long hair is braided back, but within that braid are smaller ones, which are decorated with beads and metal and other bits. While Orik is bright and full of energy, Vari is calmer. I see how they might have fitted together. It’s because of me they broke up and there is a solid weight in my chest that I caused that. He lifts his head as if sensing my gaze and smiles.
I force a smile I don’t feel and return my attention to my tea.
