“Are you asking me out on a date?” I smile, trying to make light of it.
He laughs and gasps, his hand pressing tighter to his belly. “I think I am. Come do a lap of the planet with me.”
“Okay.” I lean in and kiss him, knowing it will be the last one we have for another ninety-seven days.
He pulls me closer with a groan. “I’ll be with you the whole time. I won’t go far. I swear.” He kisses me like he doesn’t need air, and all he needs is me and I give him everything I have, letting him taste the heat and lust until I am gasping and my cheeks are wet with tears.
This time he doesn’t freeze them. He brushes them away. “It’ll be okay.”
I don’t know if he’s saying it for my benefit or his. But then he nods at the king and I need to let him go before it’s too late.
The king walks over. “When I return, I will give Eskar back his body—flesh and frost. He will be healed of the wound the rest will be between you both.”
I scramble back what I hope is a safe distance, not knowing what will happen.
The king helps Eskar lie down. He’s talking, but I can’t hear the words. Eskar closes his eyes and relaxes, hands over the now bleeding freely wound. A trickle of blood rolls between his fingers, then over the back of his hand. I should’ve done a better job of stitching him.
The king places one hand over Eskar’s heart and the other on his forehead. For a moment nothing happens, then they both shimmer and two balls of light hover over the ground.
My breath catches in my throat. I know this is for the best and that he isn’t really gone, but the ache in my chest is very real. I don’t need any mating barb, or lust drug, to prove Eskar is my mate.
Chapter 17
For the firstthree days the hollowness inside me is a living thing that argues with the almost painful need for sex. Harding avoids me because I snap at everyone. Wraight is silent.
Eskar stays close as promised, except for when he ventures off to search for Ava. At night his light is useful when checking on Wraight’s wounds and when I have to leave the ship to pee in the dark—I can only assume he’s turning his back or not looking, given that he has no eyes I can’t tell. But most of the time having him around only makes me miss him more.
I sleep badly, taking it in turns with Harding to stand guard in case the beasts return. But I get the feeling that something has changed. No other light has appeared, and no other Paohl, and I sense that our lives won’t be threatened again.
I pick over the remains of the meat, not wanting to eat but knowing I should. Eskar hovers nearby. Does he ever sleep?
I stretch out my hand, and he settles over my palm. Cold radiates from him. If I were to touch him, I would burn myself. Again. The tip of one finger is white with frostbite from where I tried to poke him to see if he’s solid. He’s not, nor does he experience hunger or pain. Which is a good thing. But this is as close as I can be to him. I close my eyes and for a moment I’m sure I can feel his longing.
It’s probably mine. This morning the edges aren’t as sharp, which only hurts more. The drug in the mating barb is wearing off, and soon I will have nothing left.
I swallow the meat and drink a cup of warm water. “I really need some other food.”
We all did. Our teeth will become loose and our hair will fall out without fresh fruit or vegetables. There are no nutrient packs on the remains of the Paohl ship and all of ours are at the bottom of the lake. If they could be retrieved, they’d be fine to eat. But Eskar has no hands and can’t carry anything.
“I think the drug is wearing off.” The overriding tension is less. I should apologize to the guys for being feral. “Does that mean I’ll start to feel the cold?”
Eskar does a little spin. We have a simple way of talking. Well, I talk and ask yes and no questions. Up and down for yes, side to side for no…and I think the spin is a shrug. It took me the better part of a morning to figure out how to communicate with him.
“No sign of Ava?” Every day I ask, and every day he gives me a slow side to side. No. But if there’s no sign that means no body and that means she’s still alive. And on her own.
“Did you go far?”
Another side to side.
“It’s okay if you want to explore or widen the search.”
This time a much sharper shake and he moves closer. He promised to stay with me, but I don’t mind if he goes for walks…floats.
“Can you help me find something to eat that’s not meat?” Harding is good at hunting, but I’m sure he’s getting sick of roast and stew. The hides he’d kept and, under Wraight’s direction, was saving piss to tan them. I was leaving them to it. Wraight knows more about animals and eating them than he’d let on. Growing up on a farming world must have been close to heaven, I don’t understand why he wanted to sign up and to roam the stars.
Eskar gives a bounce.
“Okay, I’ll let the guys know and grab a bag.” Wraight has been exploring the remains of the ship—what is accessible anyway, some is crushed, a lot was ripped off in the crash—he’d found some things that had been missed or discarded including a few pieces of clothing.
