Maria pushed herself up on her elbows with a frown. “Why not? You like him. He takes you to dinner. And you have a lot of fun with him. What else do you need to know before you get married?”
“Quite a lot,” Talia said with a sound that was half laugh and half sigh. Maria might be wise beyond her years, but she was still just a kid after all. “You have to spend enough time together to make sure you’re compatible in terms of things like values, beliefs, interests, and life goals. A couple has to talk honestly to each other long enough to develop their communication skills and to ensure there’s true respect there that will see them through the good times and the bad.”
Maria made a face as she lay back on the pillow. “None of that sounds fun at all. Can you just go to Legoland instead?”
“If two people want to just be friends, yes, you can have fun and go to Legoland. But if that couple wants the relationship to be real and last forever, they have to take their time and make sure they do it right.”
Maria considered that. “Wow, I never knew getting married was so hard.” She looked sad for a moment but then her expression brightened. “Glad I don’t have to worry about getting married for a few years. That will give me time to learn everything.”
“Yes, it will,” Talia said, relieved that this particular conversation was over for now.
She ended up having to read another chapter to get Maria to fall asleep. Careful to be as quiet as she could, Talia stood and left the room, closing the door soundlessly behind her. She made her way down the hallway, stopping when she saw Vera sitting in one of the cozy chairs in the reading nook, two mugs on the low table in front of her. Vera must have been waiting for her.
“I see that my precocious daughter finally went to bed,” Vera said with a laugh, motioning toward the chair across from her and the mug on the table. “I made us some green tea. Come sit with me so I can hear all about how your date with Lennox went.”
Talia had mentioned she’d be going to dinner with Lennox, but she hadn’t thought Vera would want to hear about it. After the grilling she’d received from Maria though, this version of sharing should be easy.
“The date went fine,” Talia said as she sat down and picked up the mug.
“You sound less enthusiastic than I expected,” Vera murmured, cupping her mug in both hands. “Did something go wrong?”
Talia hesitated. There was no reason not to tell Vera the details of their date. Besides, who else could she talk to? Katrina was too emotionally attached to the idea of romance to ever look at her situation through anything but rose-colored glasses. And while Talia would like to talk to Kyla since she was involved with a SEAL herself, that time wasn’t now. They weren’t close enough friends yet.
“Nothing went wrong,” Talia said, sipping her tea. “It’s just that Lennox and I started talking about family and I told him about my father and how he was never home because of work. Lennox put two and two together and realized that I’ve been hesitant to date him because I’m scared of getting involved with someone who’s never going to be around.”
Vera winced. “That sounds like an uncomfortable conversation. But it was one that needed to happen. So, how did he take it? It must have worked out since you came back and spent some time together at your cottage.”
“What?” Talia laughed, almost snorting tea out of her nose. “Does the whole family keep tabs on when I come through the gate and who I’m with?”
“Normally, no,” Vera said with a smile. “I mean, besides Maria. I only asked Ken to let me know when you and Lennox showed up because I care about you and want you to be happy.”
When Vera talked like that, it was difficult to imagine her as having any involvement in anything remotely criminal.
“Thank you. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate knowing I have someone I can talk to about all of this,” Talia said, leaning over to squeeze the older woman’s hand.
“You’re most welcome,” Vera said, squeezing her hand back. “I’ve never told you this, but I’ve come to think of you as another daughter, so there’s nothing you can’t talk to me about. Now, tell me what happened with Lennox. How did the two of you get past what seems to be an insurmountable obstacle?”
Talia sat back with a sigh, drinking some more of her tea. “I’m not sure we have—entirely. But I did tell Lennox I want to try and make this work between us. Which probably sounds a little silly and premature, since we’ve been on a grand total of one date.”
“You might have only been on one official date but you two have been dancing around each other for months. Besides, I think him saving your life at the zoo counts for a date. As does going to Legoland with Maria the other day. Kind of. Given all that, there’s nothing wrong with recognizing when you want something—or someone.”
“But what if I’m just setting myself up for heartache at some point in the future?” Talia asked, the misery slipping out even if she hadn’t intended it to. “It feels amazing when I’m with Lennox, but I’m still terrified of the idea of him disappearing off to someplace in the middle of nowhere without even knowing where he’s gone or when he might come back. That’s hard to deal with.”
Vera regarded her thoughtfully. “Is that truly a realistic concern or simply an expression of your fears coming out?”
Talia knew why she was asking that question and had no problem using Lennox’s recent mission the other day as an example. “He got a call and had to leave immediately with noexplanation, no idea where he was going, and with no way to contact him. When he came home a few days later, it was like I could finally breathe again. What if it had been longer? What if he hadn’t come back at all?”
She expected Vera to say something about her overreacting, but instead the older woman nodded. “There’s no way you could have known this but when Bogdan first started his career in the Belarusian government, he was required to travel—a lot. With our country’s close connection to Russia, he was sent all over the world. I won’t try and claim that he was at risk in the same way a Navy SEAL like Lennox would be, but Bogdan was gone for long periods of time, rarely able to contact me, doing things that could have gotten him hurt if he was ever caught.”
Talia only had a general sense of what a man like Bogdan might have done for the Belarusian government all those years ago, but it wasn’t hard to figure out that it likely involved travel to those areas of the world that involved Russian military and financial interests.
“All I’m trying to say is that I understand what it’s like to be involved with a man who spends a lot of time away from home, doing things he can’t or won’t talk about,” Vera continued. “I understand your hesitancy to willingly put yourself in that position but at the same time I think you should know that the happiness I gain from being with Bogdan made all the misery worth it. I’ve never regretted my decision to be with him, even in those moments when my entire family was in danger.”
“But how do I know if something that good will happen with Lennox and me?” Talia asked. “What if what you have with Bogdan is the exception? What if I let myself fall in love with Lennox and it doesn’t work out with him? What if something happens to him on a mission and I’m left lost and alone?”
Talia realized she was starting to sound irrational, like she was on the verge of a breakdown, but she couldn’t stop herselfeven as a quiet voice in the back of her head told her this wasn’t normal. Her absentee father had damaged her more than she’d ever known.
“All those concerns are valid but there’s a harsh truth you need to hear, Talia. Life is full of risks, and the only way you can lose something precious is to have it to begin with. But you’ll never have anything amazing and precious if you don’t put yourself out there and go get it.”
