He raised a hand to grasp hers, pulling her finger away from his lips as he wrapped her hand in his. “I won’t answer yet, except to tell you I’m honored.” He couldn’t say more, but he didn’t want her to feel bad.
A kiss might help with that, so he pressed his lips to her knuckles, then lowered his mouth to hers. She responded timidly at first, as though she wasn’t sure of his reaction.
But soon she came alive as usual, and within a few seconds, he’d fully accomplished the distraction.
He left her with one final brush of his lips, then pulled back, taking both her hands in his. “I need to get to the trading post, but I’ll see you tomorrow. If you aren’t able to ride over, I’ll come to you.”
She nodded, and he pulled away, moving to mount his gelding. Before he turned the horse, he drank in the sight of her once more.
He had much to think about before he saw her again.
He did love her. Tanner hadn’t allowed that idea to form before she said it, even in his mind. Yet all through the night and this morning, the thoughts pounded him. Now, hewas standing in the open rear doorway of the trade room, staring out at the mule that grazed contentedly with Curly.
Lorelei would love this scene.
And that thought once again brought him to the ideas swirling in his mind.
“God hasn’t rejected you. You are good enough exactlythe way He made you. Better than good enough—you’re perfect. Exactly the way He wants you.”
He’d gotten so distracted with the wordlove, he’d not fully captured the first part, and he let it settle deep within him.
God had rarely been a thought for him before meeting Lorelei. Sure, people spoke of the Deity sometimes—one of his university professors, another of the clerks at the mercantile, and a few parents of his school chums. And yes, there had been a number of churches marking street corners in Boston.
But attending services was simply an activity the elite did to be seen. Even his father had done so on Easter and Christmas. But God had not held a place in their lives. His father had never spoken of the Almighty, except during an occasional bout of anger.
But Lorelei was different. She spoke of God as though she knew Him. As though she had actual conversations with Him, like the prophets of old.
Had God really told her He thought Tanner was good enough? Certainly not. That idea was preposterous. The thought that God would waste half a second on Tanner, when Tanner had never done the same for Him...
He lifted his eyes to the wide blue expanse above. A few small clouds decorated the sky, but for the most part theblue spread as far as he could see. Was God up there, peering through those clouds, watching him?
How did Lorelei speak with Him? Out loud?
He moistened his lips. “Are you up there? Can you hear me?”
No audible voice responded, though had he really expected a boom from the heavens? A bird twittered outside the fort walls, and Curly snorted as he nibbled grass. He’d begun doing that since watching the mule graze. Having an older animal to teach him would be good for the little fellow.
Tanner raised his gaze heavenward again. “I don’t know if the things Lorelei said are true, if you care anything about me at all. But if you do, could you show me a sign or somehow let me know it?”
Why was he even asking this? He’d done well enough on his own without involving God in his life. Why did he feel the need to seek out the Almighty now? To raise questions that might very well bring disappointment if Lorelei wasn’t right.
If Tanner hadn’t been good enough for his own father to choose him, there was no way he could please the God who reigned over the entire earth.
The sound of horses in front of the trade room pulled him from his thoughts, and he stepped back into the building. White Horse had gone out to find more of the root to help Juniper, so Tanner had to be more on his guard than usual.
Having White Horse here was like a breath of fresh air, a friend who possessed an uncanny ability to be in the right place at the right time. If someone came to peer at Curly through the fort walls, White Horse sensed it and would leave the trade room to stand guard near the calf. Or ifTanner was in the midst of a trade with one of the Native men, White Horse would step inside just as Tanner’s frustration with his limited language skills began to grow. The man’s quiet presence always made things better.
The rare times he wasn’t here, Tanner couldn’t help but be on edge.
The front door opened, but no one appeared. He moved to his position by the trade counter and waited. Perhaps the fellow had started to come in but went back to secure his horse better or retrieve something he’d meant to bring.
Usually Tanner could see the animals tied to the hitching post through the front door, but the newcomer must be allowing his mount to graze instead of fastening him to the rail.
He cocked his head. He couldn’t even hear the sound of horses anymore. Had the customer decided to ride on?
Tanner strode to the open door and looked outside. No one.
Had the door blown open on its own? Sometimes the latch failed to catch on the first try, so that could be possible. But what of the noises he’d heard? The jingle of metal and even what sounded like a soft nicker. Had that been a trick of the wind?
