She looks up as the front door opens. Saskia’s grey hair is down today, her eyes creased in a smile.
‘I’m glad you came,’ she says, gesturing Lissa inside.
Lissa tries not to think too hard about it as she follows Saskia to her back room. It’s not going tohurt, is it? And a distant part of her can’t help wondering if it might actually help – given that she believes she’s experiencing memories of past lives, is it really such a stretch to think some people may be able to see the future?
‘So,’ Saskia says as they take seats opposite one another. The couch, Lissa is guessing, will go unused again today. ‘How this usually works is that the querent – that would be you – asks a question, and we use the cards to help answer it.’ Lissa sees them now – the deck of cards, sitting on Saskia’s desk.
‘Er, right.’ She didn’t realise she’d be expected to come up with a question. She frowns, trying to think of what she wants to know most. Why is she getting these memories? Or, are the memories real? Or, what is she supposed to be learning from them?
Saskia smiles a little at whatever passes over Lissa’s face. ‘I got the impression last time that you were a little confused about things in the past, and what they might mean.’
‘Right,’ Lissa agrees, thankful that Saskia is taking charge. ‘Yes.’
‘So perhaps we could do a general reading to give you an idea of where you are now and a sense of what’s to come? I’m hoping it might clear up some things, and help direct you.’
‘Okay. Yes. That sounds good.’
‘We’ll do the Celtic Cross.’ Saskia picks up the cards and shuffles with quick, practised fingers. Lissa nods, because what else is she supposed to do?
She feels her nerves spike as Saskia begins to lay the cards out on the desk in front of them, forming an uneven cross. She doesn’t say anything as she does, doesn’t give away anything with her expression, but to Lissa’s untrained eye, some of them look pretty damn alarming. A man dead on the ground, swords coming out of his back. A woman blindfolded and all tortured-looking. A creature labelledThe Devil.
Saskia studies the cards for a moment, then sits back, placing her hands in her lap. ‘Now, forgive me if I’m wrong, but I’m assuming you don’t know much about tarot.’
‘You’d be right,’ Lissa says drily.
Saskia smiles a little, then nods. ‘Well, the first thing I’d say is that there are quite a lot of swords in this reading, which can be an indication of challenges and difficulties in your life.’
Lissa glances at the various sword cards on the desk. Does that mean the challenge of figuring out what these memories are about? Or does it mean more practical things – her anxiety, her mum, her search for a job?
‘We begin with things as they are now.’ Saskia points to a card directly in front of her, in the middle of a column of three, partly obscured by another card lying horizontally across it. This is the blindfolded woman, a tower looming ominously behind her. It doesn’t lookgreat, Lissa has to say.
‘I’d say this is indicating that you feel trapped or restricted by something,’ Saskia continues, looking to her for confirmation.
She gives a half-shrug. ‘I suppose so.’ Trapped by needing to stay put, by her mum. But she’s trying to do something about that, isn’t she? She’s trying to apply for different jobs, looking at cities she can commute to.
‘Well, what I’d always say with this card is that although it may feel bad at the moment, remember that you are less trapped than you think. It’s within your power to change your situation, but only if you recognise what you’ve done to create it.’
Lissa frowns. ‘WhatI’vedone?’
Saskia gives her another of those creased smiles. ‘It can be a state of mind rather than something you’re actively doing. Something you need to reflect on in order to break free of it.’
‘I think I’m already doing that.’ It’s hard not to sound defensive. But that’s the whole reason she’s here, isn’t it? Toreflect.
‘Well, that’s good then,’ Saskia says neutrally. ‘So now we move to current challenges or obstacles.’ She indicates the card lying horizontally over the trapped woman. The Devil. A winged creature setting fire to people in chains and collars beneath him. Fabulous.
‘This can make some people panic,’ Saskia says, ‘but it’s often more about something dark in your own psyche rather than an external force out to get you.’ She hesitates for a beat, then adds, ‘The Devil is also often seen as the lord of patterns – of circles and cycles that go round and round. A pattern you might be trapped in.’ She indicates the first card – the trapped, blindfolded woman.
‘So I’m trapped by a pattern?’ Lissa asks, frowning. She thinks of the memories she’s having. A sister who died in all of her past lives. A romance that is still unfolding in every one of them. A death. Because although she’s only seen one of her deaths, she knows there has to be more.
Is that what this means? A certain pattern repeating over and over? A sister who dies because of something she does. A mother who hates her because of that. A romance, someone she falls for completely.
Ash. Her mind goes there even when she doesn’t want it to. But is he part of this – part of the pattern repeating itself? And if so, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
‘I can see you thinking it through,’ Saskia says gently. ‘And what I would say is that it feels to me like there is a danger of this cycle – whatever it is – repeating endlessly. But,’ she adds forcefully, when Lissa makes a face, ‘you do have the power to break free of it if you make a change.’
Lissa bites her lip. ‘What change, though?’
Saskia shakes her head. ‘I wish I could tell you that.’
