It always makes me feel guilty that despite making his life harder, he still looks out for me.
And my guilt is even stronger tonight. My dread too.
Because I have to tell him.
I know it’s going to piss him off. It’s going to make him angrier at me than he already is. Maybe he’ll think I’m stupid like I was two years ago.
But I can’t not tell him.
Last time, I kept everything a secret, making it feel like even more of a betrayal. All the lies that I’d told. All the sneaking around that I’d done.
Even though they’ve all forgiven me — except Conrad — even Ledger, for falling in love with the very guy they’d told me not to, I know that this time it might be much harder.
This time they might not forgive me at all.
But still, I have to tell them, and maybe I should just get this over with. “Uh, it’s —”
“Wait,” Ledger says from the other side of me. “Are you on your weird diet again?”
“What?”
Ledger sits back then, shaking his head. “Holy shit, you’re on your weird diet again.”
“Are you?” Con asks me.
My heart jumps at his question as I swivel my gaze toward him. “Am I what?”
Pregnant.
“On one of your crazy diets,” he asks.
Oh. Right.
I swallow thickly. “No, I don’t do that anymore.” Con looks like he doesn’t believe me and so I insist, “I promise. I don’t.” Then, I turn to Ledger. “I don’t, I swear.”
Ledger stares at me for a beat before his lips twitch and a chuckle breaks out of him.
I eye him suspiciously. “Are you thinking about… that?”
That chuckle becomes a laugh and he has to put down his fork because suddenly, he’s doubling over with it.
I stab my fork at him. “It’s not funny, Ledge.”
He only laughs harder. “OhfuckingChrist…”
“Stop it!”
He doesn’t. “I can’t get his face out of my head.” He snorts. “He fucking pissed his pants.”
I press my lips together to stop myself from laughing even though I know I shouldn’t.
I shouldn’t laugh at him or his face as Ledger said.
Him being my other goofy brother, Shepard.
But itisfunny.
So fine, there was this one time when I was on a juice fast and I baked cookies for Shep and Stellan because they were visiting for the weekend. I wanted to do something nice for them, but now I know that I never should’ve done that because I was on a diet and was cranky.
