Not that she has any reason to.
I roll out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom, undoing the braids Mama put my hair in almost four days ago, and brushing it. I stand under the warm water for too long, letting it wash my tears down the drain before I finally finish the rest of myroutine.
I can’t be bothered with anything other than moisturizer, so I slather that on after I’ve brushed my teeth. I know if I don’t blow-dry my hair, it’ll never dry, and I’ll be cold and wet by the time I get to the main house, so I blast my dryer on high and dry it as much as my stamina will allow before twisting it into a bun.
I dress in thick sweatpants and a hoodie, slipping on my boots and coat. The first thing I notice when I open the door is the clear porch. Daddy must’ve come by while I was sleeping. He even made a path to the main house so I wouldn't get my legs wet. Thank god for him. He’s done so much to help make this depressive episode easier.
He delivers my comfort foods weekly, always adding an extra treat in the bags, and has sat with me in the evenings while we watch mindless TV shows or movies. Mama comes over to help me change my sheets and feed me something that’s not processed, and even Briar’s stopped by, bringing Hudson to say hello.
I have the best family in the world, and I hate that they’re all stuck with this depressed version of me.
As soon as I open the back door of the house, I’m hit with the scent of gingerbread and chattering of voices. I didn’t think it would just be Mama and Daddy, but anxiety about socializing has my flight instincts threatening to take over. Mama appears in the kitchen before I can run, her cheeks pink from laughter and the corners of her eyes crinkling with her smile.
“Juniper! Oh, I’m so glad you’re here. I was worried you wouldn’t feel up to coming. Your father’s on his way back with pizza. We even got that cheesy bread you like.” She wraps me in a hug, and her familiar scent eases some of my apprehension.
My body starts to relax, and then I hear the pattering of little feet behind her.
“Hudson, look who’s here!” She scoops up the little boy and tickles his belly.
“Juni! You here!” He reaches out his arms to me, and I take him, wrapping him in a hug.
The first genuine smile I’ve had in a while forces my lips up. It’s hard to feel too sad when the sweetest little boy on the planet is happy to see me. “Hi, Huddy. I love your pajamas.”
“They snowmans.” He points to the print of a snowman holding a cup of hot chocolate.
“I see that. Did Grammy give them to you?”
“No, Oakwey.”
“Oakley, huh?” I give Mama a confused look.
I knew she was helping Briar out by watching Hudson, but I didn’t know she was in ‘buying pajamas’ territory.
“Oakley and Bry have gotten…closerecently,” Mama explains as the little boy in my arms squirms until I let him down, running out of the kitchen.
“Oh? How close are we talking?”
“Well, I’ve caught her sneaking out of the house like a teenager twice in the last week, and Oakley showed up today with concealer on her neck.”
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. “Wow. Good for them, I guess.”
Why wouldn’t Oakley tell me all those times she’s stopped by?
I take off my coat, pushing away the memory of Addison sneaking out to spend the night with me. The memories still burn in my chest. I wish I could get selective amnesia, maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so much.
Mama gives me a sympathetic hand squeeze before leading me to the living room. Oakley and Briar are squished together on the couch, heads bent together, while my sister’s hand rests a little too high on her thigh.
Jealousy slices through me, which brings a wave of guilt. They’ve both been through so much, and finding love after all they’ve lost is a beautiful thing. I hate that my initial reaction is to be upset because I don’t have it anymore.
When they see me, they scoot apart, and Oakley gives me a guilty half smile. More guilt swirls around in my stomach.
“So, when did this happen?” I wave a finger between them as I take a seat on the couch opposite them. “And don’t pretend you’re not together for my sake, please. Let me be happy for you.”
“Well… right after I got here—” Briar starts.
“You’ve been seeing each other for three months, and no one told me?”
“There was an initial attraction, but nothing happened until the night Oakley got stranded at The Mule in October.”
