Focus.
“I couldn’t sleep knowing I hurt your feelings,” I say.
Her eyebrows furrow before she shakes her head. “Come in so the mosquitoes don’t.”
I follow her in, my heart still racing. She doesn’t let me in more than to close the door, but I’m grateful she let me in at all.
Juniper spins around and crosses her arms over her chest. It’s the first time I’m noticing what she’s wearing, and I have to look away.
I’ve seen her naked, but the way the pale yellow pajama set she has on gives a peek at every one of her curves threatens to undo me. She looks deliciously rumpled with her hair in a lopsided ponytail on top of her head and a pillow crease on her cheek.
Strike three in the asshole column.
“Explain, please,” she says.
“I feel bad for running out so quickly the other morning, and I’m sorry for avoiding you. I…”
How much am I willing to admit? How vulnerable can I let myself be with this woman I’ve only known for a month? It feels like I’ve known her forever, and not long enough at the same time. Time is going by too fast, and before I know it, I’ll be leaving. Do I want to lay all my cards on the table before I know if she’ll forgive me?
“If you don’t want to do… whatever it is we’re doing anymore, that’s fine. But I'd rather you tell me now than leave me guessing.” The resolve in her tone makes me think she’s had time to consider this. To come to terms with the fact that I want to end it.
But I don’t.
“I don’t want to stop seeing you, Juniper. Not at all. I… I got scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of these goddamnedfeelingsI have. The way my chest constricted when I saw the sketch had me worried I was going into cardiac arrest. I don’t know how to describe what I was feeling or why it spooked me, but the only thing I could think to do was run.”
Her arms drop away from her chest. “I get that, but… are you going to keep running away every time youfeelsomething?Because I…” She takes a stuttering breath. “I hated this past week. I hated the not knowing. I hated feeling like I did something wrong. I can’t do the hot and cold, Addison. Choose to be with me—fully—this summer, or let me lick my wounds and move on.”
I step closer, her chest brushing below mine, driven by the need to be near her. “I don’t want to run away. But damn it, Juniper… This is going to hurt when it ends.”
Her throat bobs with a swallow, and she nods. “I know. It might hurt less since we already know it’s ending. We don’t have to talk about the future, but if we’re doing this, I need to know for sure I have you until the leaves start to change.”
“You have me, I promise.”
She’ll have more of me than I’ve given to anyone, I think. She already does.
Juniper surges up and crashes her lips against mine. I think this is one of the few kisses she’s initiated, and the warmth of affection spreads through my veins. The sunshine she emits is breathing life back into me after a week of being in a dark cloud.
I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone you saw every day, but the contentment that settles in my chest as I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer makes me realize that’s what it was.
I’ve missed my sunshine, and for the rest of the summer, I’ll be soaking her up as much as I can.
Our kisses are filled with the pent-up desire of the last week, but there’s an undertone of relief with the way our lips caress. Juniper relaxes against me, and I make a silent promise never to make her feel so tense again, even if it means confronting my feelings head-on and not shoving them down. I can do that for the next three months.
I hope.
Cupping her neck, I pull away from her mouth and press my forehead against hers. “Let’s get you to bed. I’m sorry Iwoke you up in the first place.”
“It’s okay. Are… are you staying?”
“Yeah, sunshine. I’m staying.”
Until the leaves change color.
I wake up with something tickling my nose. I swipe at the offending object and blink my eyes open, only to realize it’s Juniper’s hair. The top half of her body is sprawled on top of mine, her head resting just below my chin. I can feel the steady rise and fall of her belly against my palm.
