“They’re freaking out over you driving me,” she said. As if I didn’t already know that. “You should tell them you already conquered that fear.”
“Given the fact that my heart is pounding against my ribcage and my palms are sweaty-”
“Mom’s spaghetti,” she interrupted with a laugh. Then quickly checked my face. “Okay, you’re not playing. Sucks that I can’t drive, huh?”
“Shut up, Flowers. And let me do this.”
We were on the freeway, my heart rate hadn’t calmed down much, but I felt comfortable enough to finally open my mouth.
“I’m sorry about tonight. I was…in a mood.”
She snorted. “Uh, yeah. Got that.”
“I could offer you a really good explanation about grieving my dead wife. Would you feel sorry for me if I did?”
“No, probably not,” she said, looking out the window. “You can grieve Allison and not be mean to me at the same time. I’m pretty sure. Anyway, don’t sweat it,E.G., I’m over it.”
“Why are you letting me off the hook this easily?”
“What are my options? You are my boss.”
“Don’t say that,” I snapped. “Don’t say it like I was an asshole to you because I’m your boss and I can get away with it. I was an asshole and I need to apologize for my behavior.”
“Okay. But you know, it wasn’t all bad. I had an awesome dinner, found a vegetable dish I actually liked, had two slices of pie and learned how to play Mortal Kombat.”
“Learned how to lose at Mortal Kombat, is more like it.”
“Yeah, that. Plus, there was all this drama. It was almost like a real family Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Flowers, itwasa family Thanksgiving dinner,” I pointed out.
She was quiet then for a time. For long enough that I really thought I might have dodged a pretty big bullet.
“That was it, huh? You were wishing you were there with Allison. Makes sense, then. Why I was the target. You know, I wasn’t trying to replace her or anything.”
“You could neverreplaceAllison,” I said, like that was an insane statement to make. However, I instantly regretted it. I couldn’t take my eyes off the road to see how that landed, but I knew it couldn’t be good. “That didn’t come out the way I wanted. I just meant, Allison was Allison and you’re you. I wasn’t wishing you were her tonight.”
More silence.
“Okay?” I pressed.
“Okay.”
I pulled into her apartment complex and parked. It felt like all the tension in the world had suddenly fallen off my shoulders. I leaned my head back against the headrest and took a few deep long breaths.
Eventually, if I kept doing this, driving Flowers around, it should get easier?
Turning my head in her direction, I looked at her then, maybe for the first time tonight, her dark brown hair loose around her shoulders and some curl to it at the bottom. Clearly, she’d put in some effort. And she wore a green dress I’d never seen before.
Had I even said that to her? How lovely she looked tonight?
Asshole. If I could kick myself, I would.
She turned to me and her expression was resolute. “Can we not do the thing where you walk me to my door? I’ll just get out here and say goodnight. I’ll see you Monday morning and we’ll do that thing we do really well.”
That would be simpler. Easier. I could just drive away. Monday we could go back to normal.
“No. I have to walk you to your door,” I said. I’d been an asshole all night. Intentionally. I wasn’tnotgoing to see her safely inside her apartment.
