“I’d like to think so.”
“Smart for a girl at least, huh?” he adds, and I can’t tell if it’s a joke.
“I’ve had the highest GPA in my grade the last three years running, so yeah, ” I reply, a bit snarkier than I mean to.
Paul gives me a slow smile. “Damn, smartandbeautiful? Such a rarity.”
I take another swig of beer, debating getting up to find Jamie. I should've stayed home tonight. As I’m about to stand up another guy leans towards Paul, saying something to make him shrug before asking me, “You want to join us for Texas Hold’em?”
I love playing cards, we grew up playing Texas Hold’em at almost every family gathering or whenever we were on the road. But, this time I don’t think about cards; instead, I think about Texas.
Texas.
Don’t do it …
Don’t fucking do it.
“Did you know that Austin, Texas is almost seventeen hours away from us by car?” I blurt out, making Paul and a few others around us laugh.
“No, I didn’t, how do you know that?”
I hold my tongue, knowing now is not the time to tell some stranger that I’ve mapped the route out by car, plane, train, bike, and even by foot, memorizing the miles for each one.
A reminder of the distance between us.
A reminder that he’s likely never coming back.
One: Audrey
Tolerate It - Taylor Swift
Present Day
Iset the table for him, even though I know he’ll be “working late” again and that his “I’m heading home soon” text was a lie.
Again.
Like all the other lies he’s told me this week … and every week for the past six months.
If not longer.
I hate myself for making his favorite meal, for opening a bottle of red wine that’ll go untouched, and setting candles on the table like today is a special occasion and not just another day of the week.
I hate myself for thinking that tonight would be different for us.
It isn’t supposed to be like this. I’m supposed to be living my dream come true, and be happier than ever.
But I’m not.
I feel like we’re unraveling, thread by thread, and that I’m losing myself trying to keep him. But I don’t know how to get out of this relationship or to put my big girl pants on and stand up for myself.
How is it so hard to walk away from somebody who’s indifferent to me now?
A frustrated groan escapes my lips as I try to push that thought down.
He still loves you, don’t spiral.
Throwing croutons into the salad I’m making, I try not to fixate on everything that seems wrong these days.
