Prologue: Audrey
How Do I Say Goodbye - Dean Lewis
Seven Years Ago
I’ve never cried so hard in my entire life. Watching them each drive off into the sunset—figuratively, of course—was a gut punch I wasn’t ready for. Especially after what almost happened on my seventeenth birthday five days ago.
But none of it matters anymore.
It’s over.
I won’t have an excuse to go to baseball games, I won’t be able to sing Led Zeppelin songs at the top of my lungs at 2 a.m. in a McDonald's parking lot, and I won’t get to play Mario Kart for so long that my hand starts to cramp.
I won’t have an excuse to spend time withhim.
Because he’s not here.
I start my senior year of high school next week, and my friend Jamie has dragged me to a party to try and distract me from my sadness. In her words, “It’s just your brother going off to college, he’ll be home for Thanksgiving and I’m sure he’ll call you. It’s no big deal, Auds.” As if my life isn’t crumbling with the worst kind of teen angst.
I’ll miss my brother, but that’s not the issue.It’s the other piece of the puzzle that has my heart breaking.
The person I’ve loved for most of my life.
I just want to lay in bed and cry to sad breakup music. Even though there’s no breakup to cry about, because he was never mine.
“C’mon, girlie. Cheer up, have a beer or something.” Jamie presses a cold bottle into my hand, and I take a slow sip, hating the bitterness. But for her, just for tonight—I’ll pretend there's not a gaping hole in my heart.
After one too many beers enter my system, I’m staggering around until I’m falling over my feet, eventually ending up seated in someone's lap.
“I’m so sorry,” I slur awkwardly, trying to catch my footing. My balance is off, so I probably look like a beached whale trying to get off of him, clawing at the air.
Embarrassment washes over me.
Not my finest moment. Maybe I should’ve stuck to wine instead.
“You alright?” the guy asks with concern, helping me into the spot beside him on the couch.
I stare at him through glassy eyes, and my first thought is that he’s the complete opposite ofhim. Instead of blond hair, pale freckled skin and bright blue eyes, I’m met with dark features, a clean shaven head and the darkest brown eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Ye-ye-yeah. Again, I’m so sorry I fell onto you.” I brush hair out of my face, hoping I’m acting normal enough to not come off as a tipsy, heartbroken girl.
That’s literally what you are though, ya moron.
“It’s no problem, glad I could catch you.” He chuckles before adding, “My name’s Paul, it’s nice to meet you … ”
“Audrey,” I finish for him, remembering my manners long enough to extend my clammy hand towards him.
As he shakes it, he gives me a smile that doesn’t quite give me butterflies, so I take another sip of beer, hoping it might.
“Do you like sports, Paul?” I ask him, leaning back against the itchy couch.
Jesus, Auds. Could you not have started with the weather instead?
He shakes his head. “Nah, I don’t have time for sports, I’m on my way to becoming a lawyer someday.”
“Oh, cool.” I let my shoulders relax, looking over at him again. “I'm hoping to work in finance someday.”
“Nice, you must be smart then?” His tone is weird, but I just shake it off. It’s probably the alcohol.
