Not from my parents.
Not from lovers.
Not fromanyone.
The idea of love had always been transactional and conditional.
Lucy had given it freely.
And I had run.
The moment I understood it; panic gave way to clarity.
I loved her.
There was no question anymore.
I had Claire reach out immediately about booking time away. If I could get Lucy alone, if I could explain... if I could show her I understood now...
Then Claire forwarded Lucy’s response.
A cold, detached response that was nothing likemyLucy. She referenced the fucking agreement.
Something in me snapped, shattered.
I trashed the hotel room.
I don’t remember throwing the lamp. Or shattering the glass. I just remember standing there afterward, hands shaking, heartpounding like I was twenty years old and completely out of control.
Claire tore into me afterward.
“You are losing her,” she said bluntly. “And you’re letting it happen.”
Rowan’s updates were worse.
“I don’t know what you’ve done,” he told me. “But something’s wrong. It’s like her light is dimmed.”
I tried to call her, but every time, something intervened. Simone. My father. Another meeting that couldn’t wait.
The one time I did get through, I handled it badly. Took my frustration out on her. Heard her voice tighten and didn’t stop myself.Then I was pulled into a pointless meeting and had to end the call.
I told myself I’d fix it in person.
I just had to finish this deal.
But time wasn't on my side, and the days kept on blurring into weeks.
I felt like everything was unravelling around me. I just wanted to close the deal and go home to Lucy. I wanted to see her with my own eyes, explain to her that I know I fucked up. Try to get her to see that I was so out of my depth in this relationship...
But nothing was going to plan. Nothing was working.
After another extremely long day, in a string of long days, I silenced my phone, locked myself in my room and crashed.
I woke up to my hotel phone ringing off the hook.
I sat up, realizing that I had fallen asleep in my clothes from the day before, and I hadn't even taken my shoes off. The phone started ringing again, and that's when I caught my first look at my phone and all the missed notifications.
Calls, voicemails, and messages. From Rowan, Claire, Caleb and Theo.
