“Okay, then,” Raya said, holding out her hand. It wasn’t a hard decision.
“Are you… Do you mean it?” Alex said, his eyes round with surprise.
“Duh.” Raya grinned.
They almost laughed. The situation was ludicrous. Here they were, sitting on the dirt floor of a shed among a pile of half-eaten Ritz Crackers, agreeing to sacrifice their lives if it came down to it. Agreeing to die.
Alex took her hand and shook it once, firmly.
Deal done. Enough said.
Raya reached into the box of Ritz and pulled out a handful, then stood up. She very reluctantly forced herself to check her phone:
25:27
Jesus, where had the time gone? They needed to do their freaking job, already. She looked around; there was a whole section at the back of the outbuilding that they hadn’t searched yet. She’d start there.
“Here, hold these for me. Don’t eat any!” Without warning, she chucked the Ritz box in Alex’s direction.
“Huh?” Surprised, Alex flubbed the catch and managed to swat the box away. It slid across the floor under a shelf.
Raya sighed, downgrading her opinion of him a notch.
She scrambled to her knees and crawled under the shelf in the direction of her beloved crackers, swearing loudly as she went. If she was going to survive for the next few hours, she was going to need every available crumb of comfort food. Alex hadn’t batted the box too hard, it had to be here somewhere.
“Raya, there’s something I always wondered.” Alex’s voice sounded a little hesitant. “Why did you and Ana break up? You seemed so goodtogether, so happy. When you ended it, she cried for a month straight. I never got it. I mean, it just seemed like you were still into each other.”
Was he seriously asking? Raya felt a flash of irritation.
“That’s none of your business,” Raya muttered grumpily, sweeping her hands over the dirty floor hoping to locate the box.
“Sorry.” Alex sounded lost.
Raya paused and sighed deeply, her hand buried in a pile of cobwebs. Now she felt like she’d kicked a sweet, innocent puppy. She considered answering him, but what would be the point? Hadn’t they just shaken hands on their own deaths? Wasn’t the plan to let Ana live—to give her a chance to forget them and move on? What good would it do to tell him now?
But even as she thought it, she knew the answer.
There were things in the universe greater than death and red trucks and lines in the sand; things that transcended everything else. Love was one of them. Maybe telling him wouldn’t change the future or stop them from dying on the line. Maybe it wouldn’t help Ana let go of them after they were gone. But maybe it would help Alex. The stupid, floppy-haired kid could sacrifice himself knowing that in his short time on earth, he had been loved.
“Okay, you want to know why I dumped Ana? I’ll tell you.” Raya stayed buried in the shadow under the shelf, where Alex couldn’t read her expression. “I dumped her because she was hopelessly, head over heels, crazy-stupid in love with someone else. It didn’t matter how great we were together, and we were freaking awesome—she could never feel the same way about me, and I wasn’t stupid or insecure enough to stay in a relationship where there was no hope.”
Had she said enough? Had Alex connected the dots, or did he need it spelled out in big neon letters? Raya waited, listening to the wind rattling on the metal roof.
Nothing. If Alex understood what Raya was trying to tell him, he was taking it very quietly.
Raya sighed again, her thoughts wandering back to the sweet-saltiness of the lost crackers. She slightly hated herself for craving them so badly. But, hey, if you’re about to die, alone and unloved, no need to worry if you’re a junk-food junkie. She would cross that freaking line with a mouth full of Ritz, dang it. She would die her way.
“Ana barely spoke to me all last year,” Alex said at last. “I thought she blamed me for what happened. It was like she didn’t want to know me.”
Raya knew exactly what he was talking about. After the fire, Ana had changed. They all had. But for Ana it was different. When Danny died, a wall went up between her and the world. She faked being okay, but no one was giving that girl an Oscar any time soon.
It had hurt Raya deeply, being on the outside, but grief and depression are like that. They consume you from the inside and push away the light. Raya had been through enough struggles to know. She also knew that since the circle had been spray-painted around them, the old Ana was back. There was a light there that Raya thought had gone for good.
“Look, I just know what I know, okay?” Raya was done handholding. “Talk to Ana and do it soon. If we don’t find this creep hiding under a crate of peanut butter, we are going to be out of time.”
“Thanks, Raya.” Alex said it so quietly it took Raya’s brain a moment to process.
So, he got it. Raya smiled to herself. He understood, finally. The girl he was prepared to die for loved him too. Had always loved him. Too little too late. But, hey, it worked for Romeo and Juliet.
