This is how we end.
Eyes searching mine, she whispers, “What do you mean, your family diedbecauseof you?”
“My parents, my gram, and Meg all died in this house. While I was out living it up with Mercer. I didn’t check the stove before I left. I don’t remember if I checked the alarms. I don’t know if the carbon monoxide detector didn’t go off, or if they didn’t hear it. The alarms failed. I failed. Everyone died because of me.”
Nothing but Sawyer’s soft breathing fills the noxious silence, so despite feeling like I’ve already overshared, I continue.
“Mercer and I went out to a concert. Meg said she wasn’t feeling great. Really, I think she stayed back so I wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving the house. My gram had dementia. She’d already had two bad days that week. My parents were exhausted, and Meg said she was happy to help. I didn’t evenwantto go at first,” I admit, peeking up.
Her green eyes are glassy and fixed intently on my face.
“But then we had an amazing time.”
The confession makes my throat constrict.
“It was an incredible show,” I admit. “We took our time getting back to the car afterward. We ran out of gas before we even got out of the parking lot. The sun was rising by the time we got home. They’d been dead for hours.”
“You found them?” Sawyer asks, her voice trembling.
I shake my head, my gut clenching. “Edna found them. We pulled in to lights and sirens and nothing left to hope for. Serves me damn right.”
Sawyer lets out a sob. “Noah, no,” she cries, cupping my cheeks again. “It wasn’t your fault. You can’t really believe—”
“They’re dead,” I bellow. “They’re all dead, because of me.”
Thick silence falls over the foyer.
I’ve never lost my temper with her. She’s never seen this nasty, awful side of me.
This is how it ends. That, I’m sure of.
I shouldn’t let her see me like this. I’m ruining everything; I can’t keep it together. This is what breaks us. This day will change how she sees me forever.
It’s over.
I ruined it because I was careless again. Because I let my mask slip and she’s finally seen my truth.
When she shifts in my lap, I close my eyes, biting the inside of my cheek to stave off the tears. This is it. This is when she gets up and walks away.
She’s better off without me, I remind myself. She’s better and safer without me in her life.
I keep my eyes screwed shut, too much of a coward to watch her leave.
A tender brush of her lips against the side of my neck startles me, and I suck in a breath, though I can’t look at her, certain it’s a goodbye kiss.
But then her lips are pressing into my skin below one ear, then lower and lower again. She covers my neck with sweet, slow, tender kisses, each one more reverent than the one before.
When she stops, she pulls away, but she doesn’t get up.
Finally, I crack one eye open and find her staring at me.
“It’s not your fault,” she repeats, her voice loaded with conviction. “Because if you follow that logic, then I’m the reason my parents are dead, too.”
A shudder works its way through me. “Honey,no.”
How could she think—
She grips my chin and kisses me on the lips, pouring love and devotion into me. It’s so perfect. Despite my shame and the pain coursing through me, I can’t help but kiss her back.
