Noah popped in after he took Shiloh out and let us know that he and Ty were sleeping in the upstairs bedrooms. My instinct was to check on Ty myself, but Noah assured me he was good. That he had meds, plenty of blankets, and that he asked him to tell me good night.
The ache in my heart when it hit me that Ty must actually trust Noah nearly made me double over. He needs a kind, earnest person like Noah in his life.
I insisted Noah should tuck us in and he indulged me, kissing my forehead, then repeating the move with Mercer.
Now as I lie on my back in the dark, I can’t remember a time I’ve ever been this happy and sated and blissed out and whole.
Quietly and without fanfare, Mercer links his pinky with mine under the covers. “Earlier, you told me you loved me,” he whispers.
I turn on my side, squinting so I can make out the sharp lines of his features in the dark. “I did. And I do.” I squeeze his pinky in silent encouragement.
“I just want you to know how seriously I take those words. And how determined I am to love you back the way you deserve.”
He shifts, grasping my whole hand, his head on his pillow, his eyes locked on me.
“The last few weeks have been my personal version of hell. I would never have admitted that to you had we not come back together like this. I hate admitting it, actually. I hate being vulnerable. I loathe allowing my happiness and my own mental health to be dictated by the thoughts and actions of someone else.”
He pauses and sucks in a shaky breath.
“But I can’t control it. I can’t wrestle out of this hold you have on me, nor do I want to. I realized that morning at the hospital, when your brother came out to dismiss us, that I may never see you again. I’ve never felt so empty or hopeless in my life, sweetheart.”
His confession slays me, making tears prick at the backs of my eyes.
He cups my cheek, his hand warm and rough. “You’ve ruined me. Wholly and completely. I can’t fight it any longer. The onlyway I make it through this darkness is by leaning in and loving you. And I do, Sawyer. I love you.”
With a shuddering breath, I whisper a confession of my own. “I’m terrified of messing this up. Of hurting you again. I’m terrified of the idea that you might hurt each other.”
He hums thoughtfully. “That’s the folly of true love, is it not? The act of loving someone is the opposite of everything we value and practice in relation to kink. There’s nothing safe or sane about it.”
Amused, I lift his hand off my face and bring it to my mouth, kissing the tips of his fingers. “I love you,” I tell him. “I love you so much, Mercer.”
“I’ve never let myself love someone like this.”
I snicker. “It’s scary as hell, isn’t it?”
“I’ve been scared since the moment I met you,” he admits. Softer, he adds, “We’ve made promises to each other before that we weren’t able to keep…”
Guilt trickles into my consciousness. I promised Mercer I had a handle on the situation with Tytus when I clearly did not. Later, I swore I wouldn’t shut him out again, and then I did.
“I’m sorry I broke that trust. Thank you for giving me another opportunity to earn it. And I will. Now that the three of you are in my life, my heart feels whole. I’m finally capable of making and keeping promises that I know will last.”
“We all fought our own battles to get to this place,” he murmurs.
I nibble on my bottom lip, nervousness suddenly flaring to life inside me. “Was it worth it?”
Mercer closes the space between us and presses his lips to mine. Then he pulls back and kisses my forehead. “So damn worth it.”
Chapter forty-nine
Sawyer
Big, heavy arms encircle my waist from behind, enveloping me in a warm hug.
My subconscious knows who it is before I even sink back into his hold. From his vanilla and lime scent to the possessive grip on my hips, I’m certain that when I turn around, I’ll find Ty.
“Did I wake you?” I murmur, peering over my shoulder.
He rests his chin on my head, swaying from side to side in front of the kitchen sink. When he releases me, I turn and look up into his warm, open eyes. He looks at me like I’m everything. It’s unnerving and exhilarating.
