“Maybe with time?” he suggests, his brow creased.
I shrug. I don’t want to come off as unwilling, but Mercer and I have a long way to go.
“Do you at least trust me?” He crosses his arms, studying me a little too intently.
In most circumstances, I’d shrink under an assessment like this. At the very least, I’d look away. But I feel a kinship toward Noah. Despite being much older than me and having very different life experiences, he always speaks to merespectfully and he seems to consider me, always ensuring I have medication, providing me with extra clothing, that kind of shit.
“Yeah. I think I do.”
He grins. It’s a wide, full-face smile that makes the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkle. The kind that radiates joy.
“So focus on that,” he encourages. “Focus on that trust and how much joy Sawyer gets from the dynamic. I don’t want to make any false promises, but this all might start to feel good sooner than you think.”
Doubt nags at my gut.
I want him to be right. I want to make good on my promise and give Sawyer everything she wants and deserves out of life.
I lift my hand to my sternum without conscious thought and rub at the tightness coiled in my chest. “What if it doesn’t?”
His expression softens, a flash of sympathy passing as quickly as it came on, which I appreciate.
My fears aren’t warranted or unwarranted; they’re just… fears. They’re valid. They could very easily tear everything apart, destroying this happy ending for all of us.
I’m a risk. Including me like this, trying to make this work with four, when they were getting along just fine as three—fuck.
I’m the weakest link.
The urge to get away from this conversation and hole up alone is overwhelming. My heart thumps heavily against my sternum, warning me to move. But before I can flee, Noah reaches out again, this time gripping both my shoulders.
“Relax,” he assures me.
In most scenarios, that’s the worst thing to tell a person who’s upset. Yet somehow, the single word soothes me.
I take a deep breath. Then another.
Nothing’s going to get figured out tonight. It’s not fair for me to dump all my anxiety on him like this anyway.
“If this doesn’t go the way we’re all hoping, we’ll adapt,” he says. “We’ll follow your lead, do whatever feels like it’s in the highest service of everyone. Maybe that means you have your own room here. Or maybe there’s a clear boundary, and you’re only ever with Sawyer, instead of participating in group stuff like tonight. I can’t speak for Merce and our girl, but I think they would be okay with that. There are no set rules, no specific way this has to work. Just so long as it comes together in some way.”
He squeezes both my shoulders once more. “I’d hug you again if I thought you were a hugger—”
“I’m not.”
Chuckling, he raises both hands in surrender. “I don’t see any version of a future where we’re not all in her life. But we don’t have to stick with a set timeline or path. We’ll figure it out. And I’m here to help in any way I can.” He turns and pads deeper down the hall. “Come on. There’s a spare room down here. The bed’s already made. You can sleep there tonight, unless—”
“There is good,” I insist. “Honestly don’t know if I could make it down and up the stairs again.” I follow him, head down. “Just tell the others I said good night?”
Stopping at another closed door, he smiles, soft and sincere. “You got it, pal.”
Chapter forty-eight
Sawyer
“Cozy?” Mercer asks, shifting beside me.
The room is dark. Every muscle in my body is relaxed, and all the noise that usually fills my brain has quieted. I’m at peace in a way I never thought I could be.
I open my mouth to respond, a yawn escaping me. “So cozy.” Already, exhaustion is trying to pull me under.
