That’s why she has me. And Mercer, too.
So much about the logistics of a group dynamic is foreign and convoluted to me. I never envisioned sharing my girlfriend with other people, but stepping in to fill in the gaps for each other and creating a foundation of care that extends beyond a two-person partnership honestly makes sense.
I sigh and straighten, ready to apologize.
Noah beats me to the punch.
“Dammit,” he mutters, running one hand through his hair. “You know what? You’re right.”
I shake my head, shame rolling through me. “I’m not,” I insist. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
He closes the space between us and hooks his hands over my shoulders, pulling me into a hug.
His hold is timid, like he doesn’t want to scare me off or squeeze too tight.
I find myself lifting my arms and hugging him back.
Fuck.
“Thank you,” he murmurs.
He’s thanking me? For what?
“There’s no reason that room has to remain a mausoleum,” he says as he pulls away. “It’s the biggest room in the house. It’s got a huge en suite bathroom. And the bed’s big enough for all four of us.”
All four of us. My throat clogs with apprehension.
I really didn’t think this through.
Could I sleep with Noah and Mercer in the bed tonight. Or ever? I mean, maybe someday. Eventually. But I think I’ve done enough trying for one day. I’m bone-tired, and I know myself well enough to know I’ll lie awake on high alert if I have to cuddle up between two other guys right now.
Laughing awkwardly, I try to shrug off the idea. “I wasn’t suggesting we all have a sleepover tonight.”
Noah lifts his eyebrows in challenge.
It disarms me sometimes. The way he reads me so well and subtly calls me out on my bullshit.
“I—fuck.” I duck my head and scratch at my neck. “I don’t know if I could relax enough to sleep like that. No offense, man. I’m just… today was already a lot, ya know?”
He holds up both hands. “I get it. But the room’s here, and it’ll be an option if we want to use it. Someday.”
I lift my head and blow out a long breath. “I can’t promise it’ll ever be an option. But I’ll work on it.”
He cants his head to the side and takes a small step forward, gripping my shoulder, his touch firm but not aggressive or domineering. “Don’t push yourself. She knows you’re trying.”
I search his eyes, considering if this is when I should clam up and brush him off, or if this is my chance to be honest with someone besides Sawyer and Atty.
And it’s been a long time since I had someone to talk to other than them. The last person who really saw me was Dr. Davvies, and it’s been a long-ass time since I’ve had the privilege of confiding in him. But Noah puts me at ease in a way no one else has since then.
Clearing my throat, I hold his gaze and try to formulate an explanation that makes sense. “I just feel behind, ya know? The three of you are so comfortable together.”
He chuckles lightly. “Comfortable is a stretch. I was stunned the first time Sawyer, Mercer, and I were together. I was closed-off and kept freezing up. I’m still not entirely comfortable, but I’m getting there.”
“How’d you deal with it? Those first few times, I mean?”
Amusement dances across his expression, but then he shakes his head and homes in on me. “I focused on her. Her happiness. Her pleasure. It helps that I trust Mercer implicitly.”
I snort. I can’t exactly say the same.
