TOERRISHUMAN
SUYIN,WAIT!” IRIS CALLED ASSUYIN SPEED-WALKEDdown the path, trying to avoid this very confrontation.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t fast enough. Iris caught up just as she reached her bike.
“Jesus, woman! You’re fast.”
Suyin spun around, tucking her helmet under one arm and cocking a hip.
“I know you’re trying to run away from me,” Iris said, arching a brow.
“Why would I do that?”
Iris gave her a look that said,Really?
Suyin pinned her with a glare. She really wasn’t in the mood for psychoanalysis.
“Damn, Su,” Iris laughed, “you could turn someone to ice with that look.”
She’d take that as a compliment.
“I’m worried about you. I haven’t seen you smile in days, and it’s like you’re carrying a dark cloud around you everywhere you go. I swear even Bel was wary of pissing you off.”
She couldn’t help it. She was short-tempered and despondent lately, and it was all Murmur’s fault. She’d never been the type to get caught up on a partner. In fact, after what happened with Murmur, she’d begun to realize that she’d never experienced true feelings for another person before him.
She supposed it was karma. After years of being a shitty girlfriend and an all-round closed off, emotionally unavailable friend, the first person she really fell for turned around and crushed her in the most brutal way.
She probably deserved it. Her ex-partners would likely find it cathartic to see how miserable she was now. Didn’t make it any easier to bear though.
“I never thought I’d say this, but …” Iris took a breath. “I think you should give Murmur a second chance.”
Suyin’s head jerked back. “Are you kidding?”
“You obviously want him. A blind person could see the longing on your face when you even hear his name. You’ve got it bad, Su. I think you’re in love.”
The word “love” made her heart leap into her throat. She pinned Iris with a furious look. It wasn’t Iris’s fault she was such a raging bitch lately, but unfortunately, Iris was her current target. “He betrayed me, remember? Just like you said he would. He carved a sigil into my chest that could have fucking killed me.”
Iris shrugged. She actuallyshrugged. “Yeah, he did.” She gave Suyin a pointed look. “And then he straight-up sacrificed himself instead. I don’t know how else he could’ve proved that he didn’t want to hurt you.”
Suyin sputtered. “Are you actually—I can’t believe—” She shook herself. “He showed up at my house and fucked me senseless, all the while knowing he was going to kill me after he left. How can you think that’s okay?”
“It’s not okay. It’s messed up. I completely agree. But … you have to give him some credit. He’s been evil for thousandsof years, and this is obviously the first time he’s ever not hated someone. He probably had no idea what to do with his feelings. He probably didn’t even realize he had feelings. In the past, he wouldn’t have hesitated, so I bet he was pretty damn surprised when he went to do his spell and couldn’t.”
“I can’t believe the words coming out of your mouth,” Suyin muttered, even though she recognized the truth in them.
“Look, Lily once told me, when I was first getting to know Meph and his brothers, that I shouldn’t make the mistake of ascribing too many human attributes to them. It sounds bad, but when you’re an immortal being who’s survived what they have, shit just takes on a different meaning. I mean, when Belial cut off Meph’s fingers, I was screaming, and nobody else even batted an eye. Bel just threw the fingers in the compost.”
“That is not the same thing!” Suyin cried.
“Okay, fair enough. But what I’m trying to say is, death and violence mean something different for demons than they do for us. On top of that, you and I werebornwith souls, and we had parents who taught us right and wrong. But guys like Murmur were created to be soulless forces of evil. For longer than we can imagine, they’ve just been existing as harbingers of darkness, and then suddenly, they start developing a conscience and emotions, and they have no idea what they mean or how they’re supposed to act. No one ever showed them what it means to be good.
“So when Murmur realized he needed to sacrifice you for his spell, he probably didn’t recognize the bond you guys had because he had no idea what friendship or romantic feelings even felt like. I imagine that it wasn’t until he went to do the sacrifice that he realized what it would mean for him to lose you forever, and that was probably when it sank in how he felt about you.”
“Shit, Iris.” Suyin set her helmet on her bike seat and dragged her hair back from her face. “I can’t believe it’s yousaying this. A year ago, you would have been telling me to practice summoning hellfire so I could kill him.”
“I know.” Iris smiled sheepishly. “But people change. And that’s exactly my point. Think about how big of a jump Murmur had to make between plotting to sacrifice you and deciding to take his own life to save yours. I mean, his spell was so important he was willing to die for it. Not finishing it wasn’t an option. So he literallydiedso that you didn’t have to. I know he fucked up, and it’s good that you made him pay for it, but I don’t think there was a better way to prove that he’d changed than the decision he made to sacrifice himself for you. Talk about your grand gestures.”
“Shit,” Suyin said again. “I’ve spent the last week trying to convince myself that what he did was unforgivable. And now this? I don’t know what to believe anymore.”
