“Be quiet. I need to focus.”
When this was done, there would be no more sidelong looks beneath silky black hair or intelligent questions or sharp eyes. No more snarky comments or prodding jokes or tireless ferocity.
She’ll be gone, and you’ll be alone. You’ll be alive, but you’ll hate yourself.
“I said be quiet,” he snarled at his own mind.
Sheathing his still-bloody knife with a jerk, he picked up the bowl of Suyin’s blood. He dipped a finger in and then held it up. All he had to do was touch the bloodied finger to the mark.
The magic would activate. Her sacrifice would be complete. The spell would work. His work would be finished. His life would be spared. Lucifer’s destined fall from power would begin.
Suyin would be dead.
She’ll be gone forever, and an immortal being knows that forever is a very long time.
“It doesn’t matter. The spell comes before any personal attachment.”
He tried to draw his finger toward his arm, but his body was frozen as though he were paralyzed. He couldn’t move a single inch.
“I have to do this,” he snarled, fighting harder against the phantom force immobilizing him.
You will never forgive yourself. You will despise every single day of your existence. To live and breathe will be a curse.
Sweat gathered at his brow. Veins bulged in his arms as he strained against the invisible tension. “I can’t keep her here with me anyway, so what’s the point? She’s half human, and she would never be content to be locked in my library forever. I must do this!”
She will be dead. Andyouwill have killed her.
He emitted a low growl—a sound of exertion. Still, he fought.
You will be the one that drains the life from her eyes. You will be the one to snuff out her light.
His body shook, a sheen of sweat forming over his skin. Fighting against himself felt like forcing together the opposing sides of two powerful magnets. No matter how hard he triedto move, he couldn’t beat the resistance. Because it was coming from his own mind.
Her slender body will topple to the ground, her skin cold, her eyes empty. She won’t bleed. Her heart will seize inside her chest, and nothing will be able to restart it again. You will have killed the only person that has ever meant anything to you. You will have destroyed the most valuable thing you’ve ever possessed.
“Fuck!” With a shout, he dropped to his knees onto the floor, his arms falling at his sides. His muscles shook from exertion. That fucking nausea swirled harder and harder until—
He grabbed a nearby empty bowl and retched. Nothing came up.
“Fuck.” This time his voice was tired. Resigned.
He couldn’t do it.
“Why can’t I do it?”
You care for her.
He couldn’t deny it. He liked her company. He liked her endless questions, her thirst for knowledge, her indomitable will. He liked her dark eyes, her silky hair, her soft hands.
You formed a bond with her, just like you swore you never would. And you just tried to kill her—the only person you’ve ever cared about, and probably the only one who’s ever cared about you.
He couldn’t deny that either. Lucifer’s legions were on their way now, and here he sat, unable to do what he needed to complete the spell. Unable to finish what he had started because of his attachment to one half-human witch, even if it meant facing his own death.
You value her life above your own.
“That can’t be true.” He shook his head. He didn’t possess the ability to care for anything that deeply. His own ambitionshad always been his only motivation. He had no care for others; he never had. It was simply not his nature.
You have a soul. You told Suyin what happens to demons who develop souls—they develop consciences as well. Did you think you were the exception? Did you think you were different? Hate to break it to you, but you’re not. You’re just as much of an idiot as Raum and his simpering brothers, desperate to protect their precious females.
