“Life’s not fair.”
He didn’t know why, but the sympathy was making him prickly. And he was starting to get frustrated.
“Flynn, I don’t want to fight.”
“I’m not fighting with you,” he said, his voice rising just slightly.
He let out a long, slow breath and relented. “I’m sorry. I’m fighting a little bit. And I don’t mean to. I’m just frustrated. I’m frustrated that they have the ability to get to me. Because they shouldn’t. I’m frustrated because I know it’s not my fault, but it feels like my fault.”
“Fair.”
She didn’t say anything else. Finally, they pulled into the driveway of his house. He just wanted to get away from the discussion, from the thoughts in his head. From everything.
“Maybe you should go home,” he said.
He looked at her. At the stubborn set of her chin, and he really thought she was going to argue. “Sure,” she said. “If that’s what you want.”
“Yeah. It’s what I want. I need some time by myself.”
“I get it.”
“Maybe if this was … if this was something real. Maybe then it would make sense for you to stay, but it’s just for the election.”
He knew that was a terrible thing to say. He didn’t even think he meant it. But she could tell him he was wrong. She could tell him she did want him, their being together had nothing to do with the election. She could …
No. There was no point in that. He had to deal with it by himself because that was the way he had to deal with everything. What they had wasn’t real. It was true. It might hurt her to hear it said like that, but they both knew it. They were dysfunctional.
They weren’t going to work out their dysfunction together.
They’d had some moments that felt really good. But they were just moments.
They had great sex. He liked her. They were friends, even, but it didn’t go beyond that. If he was ever going to share his pain with somebody, if he was ever going to experience it with someone, it would be someone who was more than a friend. It would be … something else.
“Oh,” she said. “Well. Of course. You did punch him in the face, though. For me.”
“I would’ve done that for any woman.”
Of course, hearing it said about any other woman wouldn’t have made his blood boil that hot that quickly. “I mean, he shouldn’t have said it about you. It did make me extra mad. But it’s just … You’re my friend. You are my friend.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m your friend. I really appreciate that, Flynn. I do. But … if I’m your friend, maybe we shouldn’t sleep together. Because it’s been a little bit intense, with me here at your house. It’s fine that you want me to leave. It really is. It makes sense. It actually makes way more sense than the amount of time I’ve been spending here. Especially with the election being just a few days away.”
“Exactly. So you get it. Because I haven’t had any time alone, and this whole thing just kind of caved my head in. And I really need just some time …”
“You have it,” she said, a shrill note to her voice. “You have all the time you need. Fuck. Great. Take time.”
She was mad. Her words weren’t angry, but they sounded angry. And there was a strange kind of panicked feeling in his chest even though he knew what he had said was totally reasonable, because it was everything they had agreed upon. Because dammit, they were outlaws. They were lone wolves. They both were. And it wasn’t just that he was committed to his facade and she was committed to hers. It wasn’t just that he didn’t know how to let down his guard, and he didn’t know what to do right now because everything inside him felt like it was bleeding. No. It couldn’t be that. He was just being damned reasonable.
“I’ll probably call you tomorrow.”
“You could also not. Because we’ve done all the work we need to do for the election. But you have to vote. You still have to vote—you know that, right? And so does your whole family.”
“Of course I’m going to vote. I’m not going to let Danielle win now. I’m all in. I punched my brother in the damned face. In fact, no one on that side of my family will probably ever speak to me again. Which is fine. It’s better that way. Can you imagine? My mom had to pretend she wanted me around for my whole life, because she didn’t want to look like a terrible person. I’m glad I could be the worse person. The smaller person. I’m glad I could be the one to finally cut the cord. Honestly, best decision I ever made.”
“Yeah. It is. It’s a good decision. Just like this one. I’ll see you. On Election Day.”
“Yeah. I’ll see you.”
She got into her truck, and she didn’t kiss him goodbye. Which was fine.
