“Please don’t listen to him.”
“Why not? It’s actually good. I have confirmation. It’s something I always knew was probably true, and now I just … It’s fine.”
He ignored the stabbing feeling in his chest and kept packing things up. Perry was looking on, clearly uncertain what to say.
“You know how dysfunctional families are,” he said to his sister-in-law.
“Well, yeah.”
“It’s nothing.”
Except she looked as if she wanted to cry for him, and he really didn’t need that. He didn’t need any of this.
Because his dysfunctional family was something that was always part of his life. Always. Michael talking about it didn’t mean that it hadn’t been there all along.
And hearing the truth in front of everybody didn’t mean it was news to him.
Jessie shot Perry a look, and Perry nodded, then vanished inside her store. He had the very distinct feeling he was being managed.
“What?” he asked.
“I’ve thought we should talk and …”
“I don’t have anything to say, Jessie. There’s nothingtosay. He’s a prick, and that was unfortunate. I’m sorry he talked trash about you.”
“Like I said, it’s not a big deal. Men are like that sometimes. I’m not hurt.”
“That’s how I feel,” he said. “I wish our confrontation hadn’t played out on the street, but my family is like that. It’s not my fault.”
Except he felt it might be. It was the strangest thing. Because he’d had this moment of clarity, but the follow-up sensation was just gross. Maybe all of his initial thoughts were just wrong, and maybe the conversation hadn’t actually gone down exactly the way he was remembering it even now.
Now that the adrenaline had worn off, he felt that somehow he had lost because Michael had succeeded in making him act like the person his whole family already thought he was.
Maybe that shouldn’t bother him. Maybe he should be fine with it. With himself. But he just felt like shit, and he had been in this position before. He never knew what to say. He never knew what to do. He was swamped by a complete and utter sensation of being inadequate. In every way.
They loaded up the truck, and the silence in the cab was sharp.
He had never had to contend with another person while he was going through family trauma, and Jessie’s truck was at his house, where she had been staying with him. So it was all just … great.
“It really isn’t you. It’s not,” she said, when they were about ten minutes down the road. “You’re right. He’s jealous of you. Because you have a better life. And you’re a better person.”
“He doesn’t think I’m a better person, though. He thinks I’m trash.”
“Maybe he does, but I think deep down he must know better.”
“Just don’t,” he said. “There’s no point having a conversation. There’s no point trying to make me feel better. This is just stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. You’re allowed to have feelings about the factthat your family is a bunch of assholes. I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this, honestly. I feel like the dynamics are just so … toxic. I feel really awful about it.”
“I don’t need your guilt on top of everything else, Jessie. Don’t make it about you.”
He felt her shrink over to her side of the car, and he felt like a dick. Because now here he was being mean to the person who was trying to be nice to him. “I didn’t mean that.”
“You probably did a little,” she said. “And that’s fair. I don’t want you to be upset, because I … want you to be happy. I like it when you’re happy, and I guess that’s a bit self-serving.”
“It’s not. It’s probably normal. But what would you and I know about normal? We’re both maladjusted.”
She huffed a laugh. “Well. That’s true. But today gave me a lot of clarity. Because my family does want me. And they do love me. And I’m sorry there are people in your family tree that act like Michael. It’s really not fair.”
