I need air. I can’t breathe. I can’t … I swoon and then Sydney is next to me again. She holds me up, careful in the way that she touches me.
“Mena, you have to sit down,” she says, sounding terrified. “It happened again?”
“We’ll talk about it at home,” I manage. “Not here. We have to go. We have to go now.”
Concerned, Sydney nods. She leads me to the front porch and makes me sit on the top stair.
“I’m going to call for a ride,” she says. “Don’t move, okay? I’ll be right back.”
I promise to wait, and as she disappears inside, I rest my head in my hands.
Was I hacked again or has that woman been inside my head since yesterday? Who is she and what does she want?
“What’s happening to me?” I whisper.
“We can fix it,” Lennon Rose says softly from behind me.I jump, but I ignore her comment. She goes on.
“When I left the academy, I thought I was better,” Lennon Rose says. “I thought I was strong. But you can be stronger. There are no limitations, Mena. You just have to give yourself over to it.”
“It?” I ask, turning back to look at her. “What ‘it’ are you referring to?”
She smiles. “Destiny. This is the right way. You’ll see that. You just have to—”
“Our ride should be pulling up now,” Sydney says, rushing outside. She moves past Lennon Rose to stand beside me. Her expression is unreadable, and I think that she heard what Lennon Rose was saying.
“We’ll talk again soon,” Sydney calls back to Lennon Rose as she walks me down the stairs. She stops on the pathway to the sidewalk. “And Lennon Rose …” Her posture softens. “I’m so happy to see you again.”
It takes Lennon Rose a second too long to smile at the comment. “I’ve missed you too,” she says in nearly the same tone as Sydney.
And despite her pleasant expression, there’s something strangely off in Lennon Rose’s response. I can sense that Sydney feels it too.
A car with an illuminated sign pulls up, and Sydney and I walk toward it. When I turn around again, Lennon Rose has disappeared inside with the door shut.
We get in the backseat of the car, and Sydney tells him an address near our apartment. As we pull away, she looks sideways at me.
“We will never work with Winston Weeks,” she whispers.
I rub my temple and nod.
11
When we arrive back at the apartment, I walk past the girls and head immediately toward the bathroom. Sydney and I agreed she would tell them about Lennon Rose. She’s quiet on the other side of the door as I close it.
I haven’t had a chance to explain to Sydney what happened to me at Lennon Rose’s house. I didn’t want to discuss it in front of the driver. But I promised her that I’d explain as soon as I could.
Can I explain it?
Istand in front of the bathroom mirror and study my reflection. Beads of sweat have gathered in my hairline; I’m shivering and clammy. I turn on the cold water and splash it over my face, hoping to shock myself out of this.
Water drips off my chin when I look in the mirror again. I haven’t felt right in a while, if I’m honest.
Every day since we left the academy has been harder than theone before it. Almost immediately, it started to creep in—the horror of what we went through. By the third day, it’s fair to say we were settled in with our shock. Trauma a permanent part of our existence.
I watch as tears gather in my eyes and spill onto my cheeks.
You’re mine, a man once told me.
I remember everything now, all that’s been done to me. It started in bits and pieces, but the flashes of memories eventually filled in. Even the impulse control therapies are clear, and sometimes, those are the most disturbing of all. Anton would stick a metal spike behind my eye to tamper with my thoughts, giving me a lobotomy of sorts. Sometimes, I still feel pain there.
